Frustration

Today has been a rough day. I had my HCG done again and it's only gone down a bit in a week from 101060 to 88502 so it dropped 12558 in 6 days. I picked up my ultrasound req from my GP's office and she put my LMP as Oct. 28th instead of Oct. 15 and that I had an ultrasound Nov. 26th and it was < 5weeks.

I'm just so frustrated with the not knowing where I am in this pregnancy. Here's what I do know. My LMP was Oct. 15th. I had a faint + preg test in the am on Nov. 17th. We also found a heartbeat using the doppler on Dec. 22nd. That's ALL I know about this pregnancy.

So if I go off of the ultrasound dates, I'm assuming the ultrasound put my LMP as Oct. 28th and due date at Aug. 5th instead of Oct. 15 to July 21st. This means that we heard the heartbeat using the doppler at 7 weeks and I had a + test before 3 weeks (5 days post ovulation.) Is that possible?

I'm just so frustrated and done. This will be my last pregnancy for a very long time no matter how it ends. I just can't keep doing this. I can't keep wondering if everything is ok. I can't keep worrying. I'm done. If this pregnancy fails I'm done. While I won't say forever I will say for at least a year. As much as I want a baby I can't keep going through this stress and emotional ups and downs. I so badly want this pregnancy to work out but I'm losing faith.  I'm seriously considering taking vacation time the next few weeks to get away but I have nowhere to go. The worst thing I can do is just sit at home, it's better for me to be at work but I'd love nothing more then to go away for a while and just relax. Forget all about life. I just want to forget about everything that's going on. I just want to not worry what's going on with this baby and what's going on with my body. I know I'm winging a lot at the moment and I know I'm extremely lucky to be able to get pregnant so quickly but I can't keep doing this. Maybe it's because at this stage with the heartbeat and my levels dropping I'm aware that if I miscarry it's not because there was a problem with the baby. It was a problem with me. My body will be the cause of the miscarriage.