8 weeks

How far along? 8 weeks
Baby's size? raspberry
Total weight gain: Starting pregnancy weight: 148.6lbs  Now: 148.6
Bellybutton: In
Stretchmarks: I never got rid of the stretch marks from Hailey and Lauren
Maternity Clothes: Nope
Gender: Don't think we'll find out
Movement: None
Sleep: ok, Ive been relaxing and sometimes napping while Lauren has her nap.
Symptoms: Occasional nausea. It's not too bad and seems to come in the afternoon/evening.
Food Aversions:None
Food Cravings: None
Best Moments this week: It's been a pretty boring week 
What I miss: Nothing, so thankful to be pregnant again
What I am looking forward to: Doctor's appointment tomorrow for an ultrasound

Well tomorrow's the moment of truth. We see if the pregnancy has progressed and there's a baby with a heart beating away. Honestly I'm not sure how I feel. Sometimes I'm hopeful yet sometimes I feel like we're going to get bad news, it really depends greatly on my mood. I'm doing my best not to think about it but it's hard. Last week made it pretty obvious to me how sad I'd be if this pregnancy failed as well. I'm scared, not just to lose another baby but to go through another miscarriage. I've contemplated moving my appointment back because I'm not sure I'm ready to hear the news but in the end I need to know. I don't want to go another 2 weeks wondering if the baby stopped growing and my body is fighting what it should do. 

I've already got the plan in my mind of the 2 ways things can go tomorrow afternoon. If there's no heartbeat I'm going to immediately call my doctors office to set up an appointment. The reason for this appointment will be to get the referral to the recurrent pregnancy loss clinic in Vancouver. I want this to start as soon as possible. I haven't spoken to Dan about it but I've pretty much been pregnant or had products of conception since November. I feel like my body needs a break so I'm thinking while we go through the clinic and do the testing we will not try to get pregnant and will use prevention. 2 maybe 3 cycles down the line we will hopefully have some answers as to how to have and keep a successful pregnancy. We still have yet to tell anyone so I do plan on telling my mum tomorrow if there's no heartbeat. I'll need her support while I go through another miscarriage. Hopefully everything will go well and I'll see a baby squirming around with a beating heart. If this is the case I'm going to ask to come back in 2 weeks to make sure everything's still ok. The thought of waiting another month to find out if there's a heartbeat would kill me. If there still is after 10 weeks I'll ask for my doppler back and use it once or twice a week. Hopefully we'll be able to find it easily like we did with Lauren. We'll tell our parents if there's still a heartbeat at 10 weeks. As for the rest of our family and friends, I've no idea when we'll share the news with them. I haven't even thought that far ahead but am in no hurry.

Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow. I promise to update as soon as I get back from the doctors office but since my appointment isn't until the end of the day, it may be a while. In 25 hours I should know if everything's ok so far.