Today was Hailey's due date

As the title says today was Hailey's due date. It's also my husbands birthday. I've been struggling with this for a while. I want to be supportive and hope he has a great birthday but all I want to do is lay in bed and cry.  My work booked me off for today and my mum and I will be going to my grandfather's grave (where we will scatter the ashes next weekend) this afternoon with pink balloons. We're going to write messages on them for her and let them float away. We've been trying to find something to do to mark this special day. My mum suggested buying baby food/formula and taking them to the local food bank. I really like this idea but what it comes down to is I'm nowhere near ready to go to a store and buy these things. To be honest I'm also still bitter at the thought of others being able to have children who can't afford food while we can and are childless. Maybe next year when everything isn't so raw. I've been thinking of going out today and getting a heart necklace. I've got my bracelet with her name on it but it doesn't feel like enough. I'm not a jewellery person at all but I love wearing my bracelet. I just need these little reminders that she happened and I love her so much.

I'm hoping things will get better and easier after today has passed. I haven't had a chance to grieve the miscarriage because it happened so close to the due date. As terrifying the thought of losing another pregnancy is I've had a renewed interest in hoping it happens again quickly. Since this day marks the end of a year for my husband I'm hoping 29 is our year :)