HCG levels

I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and told her how I've been feeling. I didn't have any pregnancy symptoms while I was pregnant but now I've only been eating a little bit of dinner because I feel nauseous when I eat. I also told her about my hospital visit so she ordered a CBC, ferritin (both to check for anemia) and HCG level to make sure it was coming down instead of rising. The good news is that the ultrasound showed there was nothing left of the pregnancy. Through this miscarriage experience I have to say you never fully or want to believe it's actually happened. I left hoping my levels would be consistent with 11 or 9 weeks and hoped that they just missed seeing something. The good news is my hemoglobin is back up to 131 (range is 115-160.) My ferritin is also in the lower ranges of normal and my HCG is 17. It's amazing how it dropped from over 9000 to 17 in 23 days. The good news with this  is that less then 10 is a negative so the miscarriage should officially be over soon and then in theory I should go back to a normal cycle. The sooner this happens the sooner we can start trying again. We've decided we're going to wait the full 3 months. I want to be sure my body has fully recovered and I'd like to have at least 2 cycles to base when my due date should be.

I want to make it clear that Hailey will never be replaced. I struggle constantly with my feelings of becoming pregnant as I wish so much she were here. I'd stop now if all we could have was her healthy. One child would've been enough if that's all we are/were fortunate to have. I've always wanted children. I've always wanted to be young mum. As much as it hurts to not have Hailey here I can't give up on that dream. Not a day has gone by I haven't thought of her. Not a day goes by I don't wish things were different. I've had to except that I can't change what's happened or the decisions I've made.

We're scattering the rest of Hailey's ashes on Saturday with my family. My mum continues to amaze me. I just can't believe how she always knows what to do or say. I hadn't said anything but I'd been thinking of putting a picture of Hailey up in our living room. My mum moved into my grandmother's after she had a couple bad falls a few years ago. My grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren and great grandchildren above the fireplace. My mum went out and bought a frame, took a picture of an angel she made for Hailey with her name and birthday on it and put that picture up.  As much as it made me cry I'm so thankful for this. She is part of me as well as a part of my mum and grandma. She is and always will be a part of the family and I'm so thankful my mum has done this to acknowledge her. Everything we've done to acknowledge all the family members my mum has added Hailey to, including adding her own snowman to the christmas tree at my grandma's. I'll take a picture of what I have going in the living room to remember her.