While physically I've been better, emotionally I'm ok. As sad as I am to see this pregnancy end I'm happy my body finally did what it was supposed to. I take a lot of comfort in knowing there wasn't a baby. Having gone to the ultrasound at what should've been 8 weeks was really a blessing. As stressful as these past 2 weeks have been at least we know the truth. If we can get through losing Hailey we can get through this. I wholeheartedly believe that as sad as miscarriages are, they happen for a reason. I'd rather lose a baby now as hard as it is then have to go through another stillbirth further into the pregnancy.
I'm writing this a few hours later. I stopped writing and went to check on the bleeding. It was really bad. I didn't even have time to switch pads without getting blood everywhere so my husband took me to the hospital. The drive is less then 5 minutes away and by the time I got there I had soaked through the new pad. The first hour we were there I went through 5. The nurses where really great and when we saw the doctor he did a CBC (to check my hemoglobin to see if I needed a transfusion) and a group and screen (incase I needed a transfusion.) Over the 2.5 hours we were there the bleeding started slowing down and since my hemoglobin was within normal ranges they let me go home with instruction to come back if I start getting lightheaded or feel like I'm going to pass out. This means Daniel gets the job of watching me for the day just to make sure I don't pass out! They've also told me to keep my ultrasound appointment to make sure there is nothing left behind. When we got home I e-mailed my sister because I knew she was in blood bank this morning to let her know what happened. I guess she didn't read my e-mail because she called at 7am asking if I was ok. She was clearing papers from last night and noticed my name. This is exactly why I sent the e-mail so she wouldn't have to panic and worry. Oh well she now knows everything should be ok. I should also add that when we got home I passed what I believe is a baby. My husband thought it was strange that I was trying to get a good look at this huge clot but I'm pretty sure I can see a tiny umbilical cord. The fetus seems to be wrapped in this strange large red thing I can only assume was supposed to be the placenta. All I can see is a little bit of white in the middle so I don't know for sure if this is the fetus or something else. I've kept it because I didn't feel right just flushing it down the toilet. I'm going to bury it near one of our bushes today.
Besides being really tired I'm doing surprisingly ok. I think this has to do with us knowing for the past 2 weeks we may lose this pregnancy and with the bleeding for 4 days I had time to prepare for what was most likely going to happen. Dan and I have decided we are going to wait the full 3 months before trying again. I really want to give my body a rest and let it heal itself. We will definitely be more careful and diligent in making sure we don't become pregnant for a few months as we feel it is important for this break now. I know one day we will have a healthy child. I'm hoping with all that we've been through it has made us realize just how amazing a baby/child can be. We will never take for granted how lucky we will be when we one day get to take our baby home from the hospital :)
The ER doctor said since we've a pregnancy with a birth defect and a miscarriage we can go for genetic testing if we wanted. He suggested I talk to my GP after the scan. I don't think we will yet. We'll give pregnancy one more go before we worry about genetics. Hopefully both these experiences are a one time deal.
I'm writing this a few hours later. I stopped writing and went to check on the bleeding. It was really bad. I didn't even have time to switch pads without getting blood everywhere so my husband took me to the hospital. The drive is less then 5 minutes away and by the time I got there I had soaked through the new pad. The first hour we were there I went through 5. The nurses where really great and when we saw the doctor he did a CBC (to check my hemoglobin to see if I needed a transfusion) and a group and screen (incase I needed a transfusion.) Over the 2.5 hours we were there the bleeding started slowing down and since my hemoglobin was within normal ranges they let me go home with instruction to come back if I start getting lightheaded or feel like I'm going to pass out. This means Daniel gets the job of watching me for the day just to make sure I don't pass out! They've also told me to keep my ultrasound appointment to make sure there is nothing left behind. When we got home I e-mailed my sister because I knew she was in blood bank this morning to let her know what happened. I guess she didn't read my e-mail because she called at 7am asking if I was ok. She was clearing papers from last night and noticed my name. This is exactly why I sent the e-mail so she wouldn't have to panic and worry. Oh well she now knows everything should be ok. I should also add that when we got home I passed what I believe is a baby. My husband thought it was strange that I was trying to get a good look at this huge clot but I'm pretty sure I can see a tiny umbilical cord. The fetus seems to be wrapped in this strange large red thing I can only assume was supposed to be the placenta. All I can see is a little bit of white in the middle so I don't know for sure if this is the fetus or something else. I've kept it because I didn't feel right just flushing it down the toilet. I'm going to bury it near one of our bushes today.
Besides being really tired I'm doing surprisingly ok. I think this has to do with us knowing for the past 2 weeks we may lose this pregnancy and with the bleeding for 4 days I had time to prepare for what was most likely going to happen. Dan and I have decided we are going to wait the full 3 months before trying again. I really want to give my body a rest and let it heal itself. We will definitely be more careful and diligent in making sure we don't become pregnant for a few months as we feel it is important for this break now. I know one day we will have a healthy child. I'm hoping with all that we've been through it has made us realize just how amazing a baby/child can be. We will never take for granted how lucky we will be when we one day get to take our baby home from the hospital :)
The ER doctor said since we've a pregnancy with a birth defect and a miscarriage we can go for genetic testing if we wanted. He suggested I talk to my GP after the scan. I don't think we will yet. We'll give pregnancy one more go before we worry about genetics. Hopefully both these experiences are a one time deal.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I do know that one day you will be bringing home a perfectly healthy little baby! I wish you the best and pray everything else goes as planned.
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry this happend. Everything happens for a reason but God knew what needed to be done. I was on fetility meds for over 2 years before getting pregnant with my son. High risk pregnancy then at the end almost losing him (low water and laying on his cord) to me almost dieing after I have birth from all the blood loss. Children are gifts from God and you will be more greatful. Not saying anyone else that has kids are less but you look at it in a whole way not just a child. a blessing.. a gift. Ill be praying hard for you tonight. I hope you feel better soon. Hopefully you dont need a D&C. <3 God bless
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