bleeding and ultrasound

Well I started bleeding again last night. It started around 7:30.  I went to the washroom because I felt like something was wrong and I'd bled through my underwear. Thankfully although there was blood in my jeans it didn't go through the fabric. We decided that it was probably time to get this checked out so went to a walk in clinic. The receptionist told us it would be $60 and that there was no wait so we saw the doctor right away. He didn't really know what to do, which I understand. If I'm going to miscarry there's nothing we can do to prevent it. He said that he'd give me a form for an ultrasound and it would at least let us know if everything's alright or if we should prepare for a miscarriage or D&C. He wrote urgent on the request and said to call first thing in the morning for an appointment. He did inform me that 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage but also 40% of pregnancies have bleeding and turn out fine. I said that I knew it could go either way it just sucked as this is our fourth pregnancy with only 1 live birth. You could tell he felt for us and said to call the office tonight and he'd likely have the results.  I paid the receptionist and asked if she had any idea how much it would cost for an ultrasound. She said she wasn't sure but it could be a few hundred dollars.

I phoned around this morning and the first place I tried was very sympathetic but told me they had to close down 2 rooms and wouldn't be able to book me in until next week. I told her I'd call around and see if anyone could get me in sooner first. I then tried calling the office right next door to the clinic but they hadn't opened yet so tried another and they could get me in at 10:20. It's now 9:50 and we're about to leave in a few minutes. I thought I'd write this part first then just update after the ultrasound. I'm not feeling very positive but Mr. Google has informed that it can be very possible to have bleeding after 12 weeks and everything be ok.

How the ultrasound went:

When we arrived at the ultrasound clinic they informed us it would be $200 instead of $165 (really at this point I don't care about an extra $35). We paid then sat and waited. They called me in and Dan was allowed to come with me. When the sac and baby came on the screen I knew just from looking that the baby was too small for the size of the sac. She asked me when I'd had my last ultrasound and I said 7 weeks 5 days and there was a heart rate of 165, but I'm not expecting to hear there's a heartbeat now. She said yes unfortunately it didn't look good that she couldn't see a heartbeat and the baby was measuring 8 weeks 1 day. She did a bunch of measurements and I could see the screen the whole time. I can't begin to tell you how sad it is seeing your baby on the screen not moving, truly heartbreaking. I asked about the heart but she said their machines aren't good enough to get that clear view so early on. She asked if I wanted a picture which I said sure. She also gave me all the images so I could take them to my doctor back home. Looking at the images it's a little bit of a guess as to when the baby stopped growing as the date measurements vary from 8 weeks 1 day to 8 weeks 5 days, in the end it doesn't really matter, the baby didn't make it.

So now we wait for me to miscarry.  My uterus measured 11weeks so obviously my body hasn't fully clued in yet but hopefully because now I'm aware mentally it will speed the process up. I have an appointment with the doctor next Monday (we get back Sunday morning) so I guess if I haven't miscarried by then (I really hope I do) we'll go from there.

I've decided I'm going to enjoy this last week of holidays as much as I can. I'm going to eat whatever I want and spend as much time doing fun things as I can. I'm not going to change any plans at the moment and we'll just have to wait and see when my body decides to miscarry. I feel like a weight has been lifted. The unknown of if the baby was alright was really stressful and I'm now at peace with this baby not making it. My heart breaks for him but I remind myself that I believe you do not miscarry healthy children. It's easier emotionally and physically to have the pregnancy end this way then go through what we did with Hailey. I'll always think of this little guy (I'm convinced it was a boy) and wonder what could've been. I'll update when I miscarry or when we get back home.

Update on bleeding

I forgot to update earlier until someone reminded me so sorry it's late. The bleeding stopped Friday afternoon (Australia time) so I really only ended up bleeding for a few hours and haven't had any bleeding or spotting since. We went for our "ghetto" ultrasound yesterday at my sister in law's vet office but were unable to see the baby because the placenta was in the way. I knew this would be a possibility because the machine is meant for abdominal ultrasounds on dogs and cats.

I'm now well into my 12th week so I'm hoping that since the bleeding has stopped all is well. I'll definitely be bringing it up at my appointment the day after we get home. I'm seeing the doctor in the office instead of a midwife because he has to order the echo and wanted to meet with me first. I suspect if he can't find the heartbeat with the doppler he'll send me for an ultrasound to make sure everything's ok. If he doesn't, I'll see how I feel at the time but will likely ask for one. I've given up trying to find the heartbeat with the doppler and have decided I'm just going to relax and enjoy what's left of our holiday. We will be home in 2 weeks and I'm sure it'll go by just as fast as these first 2 weeks have.

bleeding again

I had a rush of blood this morning at 10am. It freaked me out and I called up the insurance company because I wanted to go to the hospital for an ultrasound and blood work to find out if everything's ok. The insurance company told me that I'd have to pay the $300 deductible (which I knew about) but that if I did go to the hospital it would void my policy for that medical condition (pregnancy) the rest of my holiday. I also was only allowed 2 visits. The first visit had to have all my tests done on the same day and the second would be purely a follow up. I said ok and they issued me a claim number and were going to e-mail me the forms to send in with the bills. I went to the washroom before we left and it was only a little bit of blood when I wiped. On the way to the hospital Dan and I were talking about the policy and I worried about what would happen if I went and they confirmed I was going to miscarry then had complications after being sent home. My biggest fear is that I'd hemorrhage, need a D&C or get an infection and no longer have medical coverage for them. We decided to head back home and talk to my sister in law about her miscarriage and trip to the hospital. She said that all they did was blood and an ultrasound then confirmed she was going to miscarry and offered a D&C or she could go home and wait to miscarry naturally. This is pretty much what I expected so we decided to wait it out. She told the that if we wanted we could go to her work (she's a vet) and she'd do an ultrasound for me but to be aware that the quality wouldn't be the greatest and we may not be able to find the heartbeat with the machine but likely see movement. We're going to Fraser Island this weekend so since the bleeding has pretty much stopped again (just a tiny bit of brown when I wipe and it's 3pm) we're going to wait and see what happens this weekend then go for our ghetto ultrasound Sunday or Monday.

I hate being away from home and going through this. I hate not knowing what's going on. I hate that I worry about if we have lost this baby was it due to a heart defect? Seeing the heartbeat at 8 weeks makes this potential miscarriage so much worse because I know the baby had a heartbeat as last time the baby stopped growing before a heartbeat could be seen ( less then 6 weeks)

Will update Monday.

12 weeks

How far along? 12 weeks
Baby's size? Plum
Total weight gain: 9lbs (147) *shocked I haven't gained weight the first 2 weeks of holidays!*
Bellybutton: In
Stretchmarks: I never got rid of the stretchmarks from pregnancies 1 and 2!
Maternity Clothes: I still fit into my normal pants (barely) but I've pretty much switched over to maternity.
Gender: Don't think we'll find out
Movement: None
Sleep: Besides last night and the stress of spotting my sleep has been ok. I didn't have a problem with the time difference and thankfully neither did Lauren.
Symptoms: Occasional nausea and tiredness. Most of the time I forgot that I'm pregnant! 
Food Aversions: None
Food Cravings: Salt and Vinegar chips
Best Moments this week: Finally hearing the heartbeat with the doppler
What I miss: Nothing
What I am looking forward to: Feeling movement

I'm posting this a little early. I don't actually turn 12 weeks until the 16th but we're going away for a few days and I won't have time to write or post.
The bleeding I had last night stopped. I had a little bit of blood when I wiped this morning at 7:30 am and nothing since. I'm thinking everything's ok but I've told Dan no more sex until after my midwife appointment on March 4th. He's not too happy about that but he understands I don't need the extra stress of spotting.
I'm unsure if I've heard the heartbeat since. It's so hard to hear because the baby really is RIGHT under the placenta. You hear a lot of swooshing and I guess the best way to describe would be windstorm sounds and it's so loud that you really have to listen behind it. Sometimes I think I pick it up for a few seconds but then it's gone. I've come to realize that I really am attached to this pregnancy. I was devastated last night when I saw blood and obviously couldn't sleep. I've since come to realize that no matter what happens this time around I am forever grateful to have Lauren.

Heartbeat and bleeding

Today I'm 11 weeks 4 days. It's currently 3:30am Australia time and I can't sleep. Last night Dan asked if he could check for a heartbeat and we think we found it hiding behind the placenta. It was VERY hard to hear with all the placental noise but the doppler did pick up 175bpm. Then we lost it.
An hour later we had sex and when I got up to go the bathroom there was a bit of red blood. It seemed like it was from Dan's semen (he occasionally gets blood in his semen which the doctor says is just when a blood vessel burst) as it was just little streaks mixed in. A few hours later though and while it's minimal there's red blood every time I wipe.

Now comes the fun part. I'm going to ring up the travel insurance company in the morning and see what I can do. I'm hoping they'll either cover a trip to the hospital (a little unnecessary at this point) or at least a trip to a clinic and hopefully they'll do HCG levels and an ultrasound (which is what the hospital would do).

I just keep reminding myself how thankful I am to have a healthy Lauren. Will update hopefully soon.

Week 1 in Australia

We've been in Australia for a week now and the weather has not been as good as expected (considering it's mid summer). I can't really complain as although it rains and most days are overcast the temperature is still around 27 and when the sun is on you it feels a lot warmer. I've got a nice tan going already and we've spent most days so far in the water at some point during the day.

Yesterday Lauren became a cousin. My sister-in-law had her baby by scheduled c-section in the morning. We went to visit in the evening and I was impressed at how well Lauren was with him. The whole walk from the car to the hospital room Lauren kept saying "baby" over and over again. She gave her cousin LOTS of kisses and tried to give a few hugs. Hopefully she'll do just as well with her brother or sister in September.

I'm now 11 weeks. Things have been going well for the most part although I'm starting to get a little worried that I still can't find the heartbeat with the doppler. Last night I had a small amount of brown spotting but I'm trying not to worry as I had that with Lauren at 10 weeks as well. The only difference is that we were able to find her heartbeat. I talked to Dan the other night and told him that if this pregnancy doesn't work out I didn't want to try again for a while. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm hopeful that everything will be ok and it's great that I've made it to the 11 week mark.

10 weeks

I'd set this to publish Feb. 2nd (exactly 10 weeks) as we were going to be in the air but for some reason it didn't so it's a week late!

How far along? 10 weeks
Baby's size? Prune
Total weight gain: 9 lbs. (147)
Bellybutton: In
Stretchmarks: I never got rid of the stretchmarks from pregnancies 1 and 2!
Maternity Clothes: Going to start switching over today. We're in Australia until 14 weeks so I know that I'll need them within that time. I've brought lots of dresses and bought second hand maternity shorts that fit now. Most of my mat clothes are for when I'm bigger in pregnancy so I'm at that really awkward stage of pregnancy where I still fit into my normal pants but they're starting to get tight, yet maternity clothes are huge on me especially since the clothes have been worn in previous pregnancies.
Gender: Don't think we'll find out
Movement: None
Sleep: Pregnancy wise ok, Lauren's been keeping me up the past couple nights though!
Symptoms: Occasional nausea and tiredness. Most of the time I forgot that I'm pregnant! 
Food Aversions: None
Food Cravings: tuna which is weird because I don't normally like tuna!
Best Moments this week: Finished work for the next month!
What I miss: Nothing
What I am looking forward to: Holidays!!! (NOT looking forward to the LONG flights though)

I'm a little disappointed I haven't been able to find the heartbeat with the doppler yet. I've been trying every day from 9 weeks. I know it's still early but it's frustrating since I found it with Lauren at this point. It gave such peace of mind knowing there's still a heartbeat. I guess I just have to be patient. They couldn't find Hailey's at all using a doppler so maybe this baby's just being shy too. I was worried about miscarrying while flying but I took another test yesterday and was so happy to see a very positive line come up straight away before it had a change to get the control line and was even darker then the control line. I know this doesn't mean everything is ok with the baby but at least I can relax and know I won't miscarry within the next few days. I really do feel that everything is fine but there's always that little bit of doubt that I'm sure will never fully go away.