bleeding and ultrasound

Well I started bleeding again last night. It started around 7:30.  I went to the washroom because I felt like something was wrong and I'd bled through my underwear. Thankfully although there was blood in my jeans it didn't go through the fabric. We decided that it was probably time to get this checked out so went to a walk in clinic. The receptionist told us it would be $60 and that there was no wait so we saw the doctor right away. He didn't really know what to do, which I understand. If I'm going to miscarry there's nothing we can do to prevent it. He said that he'd give me a form for an ultrasound and it would at least let us know if everything's alright or if we should prepare for a miscarriage or D&C. He wrote urgent on the request and said to call first thing in the morning for an appointment. He did inform me that 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage but also 40% of pregnancies have bleeding and turn out fine. I said that I knew it could go either way it just sucked as this is our fourth pregnancy with only 1 live birth. You could tell he felt for us and said to call the office tonight and he'd likely have the results.  I paid the receptionist and asked if she had any idea how much it would cost for an ultrasound. She said she wasn't sure but it could be a few hundred dollars.

I phoned around this morning and the first place I tried was very sympathetic but told me they had to close down 2 rooms and wouldn't be able to book me in until next week. I told her I'd call around and see if anyone could get me in sooner first. I then tried calling the office right next door to the clinic but they hadn't opened yet so tried another and they could get me in at 10:20. It's now 9:50 and we're about to leave in a few minutes. I thought I'd write this part first then just update after the ultrasound. I'm not feeling very positive but Mr. Google has informed that it can be very possible to have bleeding after 12 weeks and everything be ok.

How the ultrasound went:

When we arrived at the ultrasound clinic they informed us it would be $200 instead of $165 (really at this point I don't care about an extra $35). We paid then sat and waited. They called me in and Dan was allowed to come with me. When the sac and baby came on the screen I knew just from looking that the baby was too small for the size of the sac. She asked me when I'd had my last ultrasound and I said 7 weeks 5 days and there was a heart rate of 165, but I'm not expecting to hear there's a heartbeat now. She said yes unfortunately it didn't look good that she couldn't see a heartbeat and the baby was measuring 8 weeks 1 day. She did a bunch of measurements and I could see the screen the whole time. I can't begin to tell you how sad it is seeing your baby on the screen not moving, truly heartbreaking. I asked about the heart but she said their machines aren't good enough to get that clear view so early on. She asked if I wanted a picture which I said sure. She also gave me all the images so I could take them to my doctor back home. Looking at the images it's a little bit of a guess as to when the baby stopped growing as the date measurements vary from 8 weeks 1 day to 8 weeks 5 days, in the end it doesn't really matter, the baby didn't make it.

So now we wait for me to miscarry.  My uterus measured 11weeks so obviously my body hasn't fully clued in yet but hopefully because now I'm aware mentally it will speed the process up. I have an appointment with the doctor next Monday (we get back Sunday morning) so I guess if I haven't miscarried by then (I really hope I do) we'll go from there.

I've decided I'm going to enjoy this last week of holidays as much as I can. I'm going to eat whatever I want and spend as much time doing fun things as I can. I'm not going to change any plans at the moment and we'll just have to wait and see when my body decides to miscarry. I feel like a weight has been lifted. The unknown of if the baby was alright was really stressful and I'm now at peace with this baby not making it. My heart breaks for him but I remind myself that I believe you do not miscarry healthy children. It's easier emotionally and physically to have the pregnancy end this way then go through what we did with Hailey. I'll always think of this little guy (I'm convinced it was a boy) and wonder what could've been. I'll update when I miscarry or when we get back home.