miscarriage at 13 weeks

I feel it's really important for me to post how my miscarriage went. When I found out there was no heartbeat and that I would eventually miscarry I searched quite a bit on how the miscarriage would go and found a lot of the time at 13 weeks people have a D&C. I'm sorry if some of this is graphic but I want to give as much detail as I can.

Saturday I started getting cramping around 9pm. I was laying in Lauren's bed singing her to sleep when the pains started. They were fairly mild mostly just annoying. At 11pm I noticed it was a pattern. The pain would come, wrap around my stomach and back, last 10-15 seconds then go away for a few minutes. I took 2 tablets of paracetamol then tried to get some sleep. I woke up at 2am in a lot of pain. This is when I realized that I was actually having contractions. It wasn't early labour contractions it was full on active labour contractions where I had to grip the bed and breathe through them (my jaw is still sore from clenching). We called the nurses line because I wasn't sure if this was normal as my miscarriage at 10 weeks was nothing like this,  I also wasn't bleeding very much just blood when I wiped. They asked Dan I bunch of questions and then said to go to the hospital because the blood was liquidy like there was discharge with it. We got to the hospital around 3:30 without any of our insurance information. They told us it would be $90 for a consultation and if I was admitted $1770/day. We said that was fine and they sent us in to check my bp, temp and get my information. The nurse said that the contractions seemed pretty close together (3-5 minutes apart) and that hopefully I would pass the baby soon. I told her that my contractions were always 3-5 minutes apart, even with my daughter's labour. We were placed in a room and left there until a doctor came to see us. The doctor came in to get my history and find out what was going on. He also took some blood and got the IV set up in my arm incase it was needed. While he was there I had a couple contractions and felt like I passed something. He ordered morphine (and gravol when I mentioned morphine made me sick with Hailey's labour) and sent in a nurse to check what I'd passed. I went to the toilet and it turns out I was just bleeding heavily but then there was a plop in the toilet and I passed something in there but you couldn't see it because there was so much blood in the toilet and the light to the bathroom wasn't working. She flushed the toilet and said hopefully it was the baby and now the contractions should start to die down. She then came back to give me the morphine at 5:30am. Yes they made me go 2 hours with the contractions before giving me anything for them! The morphine helped and we were left in the room on our own with a call button if we needed anything. At around 6:30 I felt like I passed something so got up and caught it in paper towels. I asked Dan to call the nurse and when she came in she said it was just a clot (about half the size of my palm) so I flushed it down the toilet.
She came back in at 6:45 and asked how I was doing. I told her I thought the morphine was starting to wear off and she said yes it probably was and would I like more. I said I would but asked for something other then morphine as I didn't like the way it made me feel. She told me she'd go get something similar that I could take orally and it'd last 4 hours instead of 2. While she was gone the doctor came in with another doctor (a female) and said they were going to check my cervix and see if it was open and check if they could see any products of conception. The female doctor did it as the male doctor I'd seen had only been with the hospital for 2 weeks and I'm pretty sure was only a resident. She explained and showed him what she was doing. They checked my cervix for products of conception and pulled out a few clots. She then did an exam and said that both front and back of my cervix was open and that I should be allowed to miscarry naturally at this point without the need for a D&C. Because I had to take off my underwear for this I bled quite a bit over the bed and they had to change the sheets. I put on a new pad, was given the pain killers and said that the doctors and nurses where switching over to the day shift. At 8:30 a new doctor came in and said she'd requested a gynaecology consult and they wanted an ultrasound done. I wasn't allowed to have anything to eat or drink at this point incase a D&C was required so they gave me a litre of fluid through IV in 30 minutes. I went down for the ultrasound at 9:45. By this time I checked my pad and the bleeding had stopped and the pad I'd put on at 7 still looked was almost new.

To be honest when I went for the ultrasound I was still hoping she'd say that they'd made a mistake before and that the baby was alive and well. Of course this was not the case, we weren't sure if I'd passed the baby into the toilet earlier or not. She did a pelvic ultrasound first and said that the baby and sac were still there and the baby was measuring 9 weeks with no fetal heartbeat. She then said that she'd have to do an internal ultrasound to confirm no heartbeat as sometimes you can't see it abdominally and she'd hate to be wrong if I ended up with a D&C. Of course there was no heartbeat vaginally either and I was then sent back to my room in the ER.

I finally saw someone from gynaecology around 12pm. She told me that since my cervix was closed I'd need a D&C. I told her I was confused because when they did the exam at 7am my cervix was open. She told me that the ultrasound showed my cervix was closed but she'd do another one herself to confirm. She went to get the portable ultrasound and confirmed that the baby was still there and that yes my cervix was now closed and this is probably why the bleeding stopped. She told me that I'd need a D&C but they don't do them on Sunday's unless you're bleeding heavily and at risk of dying because it costs the hospital 1000's of dollars extra (there's penalty rates for working on Sunday's in Australia) so since I was stable at the moment she was going to schedule me for one Monday. I said that was fine but my only concern was that my insurance doesn't cover related issues after I've been discharged. Basically we were unsure if my policy would cover a D&C as it just states it's covered if "medically necessary" but it has to be done the same day or same time I'm admitted to hospital. I was worried if I left the hospital I'd no longer be covered for pregnancy related issues. The OBGYN said that it's a stupid policy (which I agree) and asked us to call the insurance company to see if they'd let me go home as I was currently stable but check if I'd still be covered to come back the next day to be readmitted and also check if anything happened overnight if I would be covered. She told me that if they wouldn't allow me to leave they would admit me to a ward if need be. I got Dan to phone them (I didn't need the extra stress) and they agreed to allow me to go home and come back the next day. They asked us to keep them updated if my situation changed and I was readmitted overnight. So I was sent home with pain killers and asked to return to admitting at 8am the following morning (the D&C would take place in the afternoon).

The Sunday afternoon was uneventful. I was in pain so took 1 tablet every 3 hours. I was supposed to take 2 every 6 but found it only helped with the pain for 3 so I switched to 1 ever 3 and it worked better for me. Around 10pm I started bleeding lightly. I woke up at 12:20 in a bit of pain and although I knew I couldn't eat or drink after 12 I went down and had a tiny sip of water and took 2 pain tablet (hoping it'd hold me over until 8am) then went back to sleep. I woke up at 3am in A LOT of pain. I asked Dan to go down and get me another tablet but it really didn't help. At around 3:30 while sitting on the toilet my water broke during a contraction then at 3:45 I passed the baby. It didn't come out like a clot it come out when I wiped. I wasn't sure what to expect as I hadn't googled what an 8 week fetus looked like but I could tell that it was definitely the baby. It was translucent and had eyes. Dan wasn't convinced that was the baby so we googled pictures the next day and I can say those pictures are pretty accurate. I said my goodbyes to the baby then handed it over to Dan as I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I left the room then Dan flushed it down the toilet. I continued to bleed fairly heavily and passed clots for the next few hours. I was so exhausted from lack of sleep the previous night that I fell asleep and woke up numerous times. I'd fall asleep for maybe an hour, wake up, go to the bathroom to pass clots then go back to bed and start the whole cycle again.

I woke up at 7:20 and the bleeding and clots had slowed down quite a bit. We quickly got dressed and headed to the hospital. We went to admitting and spoke to the admitting nurse saying I wasn't sure if I needed a D&C anymore since I was fairly certain I had passed the baby. She said I should speak to a midwife so she phoned and asked for my file then walked me down to the clinic attached to the hospital. We waited in the waiting room and saw the midwife just after 9am. She went over my history then said that because I looked very pale, was still bleeding and passing clots she didn't feel I was stable and they only see stable patients so I'd have to see a doctor down in ER. She called over then walked me down and handed over my file to the nurses there. We waited in emerg and finally saw a doctor around 10:30. We explained what was going on and he said that I'd need another consult with gyno and they'd want to see where my HCG levels were since it hadn't been done the previous morning. He took my blood (they also did a CBC) and asked if I'd had previous HCG's done with this pregnancy. I told him yes at 4 and 6 weeks and that I could access them online. I printed them off for him and we waited for gyno to come.

We had the consult at 11:30 and she said that since I most likely did pass the baby I probably wouldn't need a D&C at this point. She said there was no point doing an ultrasound since it would show there was still stuff in there. She said that if I wanted I could still have the D&C or we could wait it out and see what happens. I asked what the risks of waiting were and she said basically just chance of infection as well as heavy bleeding.  She said normally what they'd do is wait a week and compare the hcg levels. If they weren't going down fast enough then I'd need a D&C. I said since I would be home in a week anyway we'd wait it out, keep an eye out for sign of infection and if needed have a D&C when I get home.

We got copies of the ultrasound results done the previous day as well as the blood results and were sent home. Just as I walked out the door of emerg I felt I passed a couple clots so quickly went back inside to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down a few clots came out but then I felt one stuck. I tried pulling it out but it wouldn't move. I tried pushing and the clot slowly moved out but just kept getting bigger and bigger. After 5 minutes of trying to pull and push the clot out I pulled up my underwear and pants then went out and told the nurse that I didn't know what to do but I had a clot stuck that I'd been trying to push and pull out. They said they'd page the doctor for me and I told them I'd go back to the bathroom and when the doctor did come to just come knock on the door. After a few minutes of sitting on the toilet, pushing and moving around I did manage to get the clot out. I'm actually pretty sure it was the placenta based on size and texture. It was the size of my hand. I went back and told the nurse it was ok I'd managed to get it out. They asked if I wanted them to page the doctor again and I said no it would be ok and that I was fine now. We then left the hospital. At home we called the insurance company to update them saying I'd had a natural miscarriage at home, had a consultation with doctors that morning at the hospital and no longer needed the D&C at the moment. They asked if I needed a follow up visit or just wait and see if anything else happens and I said just wait it out. I didn't need to see another doctor unless something went wrong. They said thank-you for the update and sent paper work for me to fill out via e-mail.

Today (Wednesday) is the first day that I haven't taken any pain killers. I still have mild cramping but after passing the placenta the bleeding has died down to a normal period and the clots are small and rare. I've gotten back to doing our normal activities for the week (except swimming since I can't wear a tampon). I'm looking forward to getting home and getting back to our normal lives. We will try again when the time is right. I'm thinking we will just not prevent for a few months then start properly trying again after 2 cycles. I asked my mum to cancel my Monday appointment with the midwife and make an appointment with my GP. I see her on Wednesday so I'm planning to go to a walk in clinic Sunday (we get home that morning) and ask them to do an HCG so she has the results there when I see her. I expect everything to be fine and no longer need a D&C.

I was surprised at how different this miscarriage was from the one I had at 10 weeks. I don't know if it's because my body thought I was in the second trimester but I never expected to go into labour. I was worried my milk would come in since my boobs grew while pregnant and I went into labour but so far it hasn't and I think it won't if it hasn't by tomorrow. Emotionally I'm sad and frustrated but I keep in mind how painful it was to lose Hailey later in pregnancy and I don't want to have to do that again.

bleeding and ultrasound

Well I started bleeding again last night. It started around 7:30.  I went to the washroom because I felt like something was wrong and I'd bled through my underwear. Thankfully although there was blood in my jeans it didn't go through the fabric. We decided that it was probably time to get this checked out so went to a walk in clinic. The receptionist told us it would be $60 and that there was no wait so we saw the doctor right away. He didn't really know what to do, which I understand. If I'm going to miscarry there's nothing we can do to prevent it. He said that he'd give me a form for an ultrasound and it would at least let us know if everything's alright or if we should prepare for a miscarriage or D&C. He wrote urgent on the request and said to call first thing in the morning for an appointment. He did inform me that 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage but also 40% of pregnancies have bleeding and turn out fine. I said that I knew it could go either way it just sucked as this is our fourth pregnancy with only 1 live birth. You could tell he felt for us and said to call the office tonight and he'd likely have the results.  I paid the receptionist and asked if she had any idea how much it would cost for an ultrasound. She said she wasn't sure but it could be a few hundred dollars.

I phoned around this morning and the first place I tried was very sympathetic but told me they had to close down 2 rooms and wouldn't be able to book me in until next week. I told her I'd call around and see if anyone could get me in sooner first. I then tried calling the office right next door to the clinic but they hadn't opened yet so tried another and they could get me in at 10:20. It's now 9:50 and we're about to leave in a few minutes. I thought I'd write this part first then just update after the ultrasound. I'm not feeling very positive but Mr. Google has informed that it can be very possible to have bleeding after 12 weeks and everything be ok.

How the ultrasound went:

When we arrived at the ultrasound clinic they informed us it would be $200 instead of $165 (really at this point I don't care about an extra $35). We paid then sat and waited. They called me in and Dan was allowed to come with me. When the sac and baby came on the screen I knew just from looking that the baby was too small for the size of the sac. She asked me when I'd had my last ultrasound and I said 7 weeks 5 days and there was a heart rate of 165, but I'm not expecting to hear there's a heartbeat now. She said yes unfortunately it didn't look good that she couldn't see a heartbeat and the baby was measuring 8 weeks 1 day. She did a bunch of measurements and I could see the screen the whole time. I can't begin to tell you how sad it is seeing your baby on the screen not moving, truly heartbreaking. I asked about the heart but she said their machines aren't good enough to get that clear view so early on. She asked if I wanted a picture which I said sure. She also gave me all the images so I could take them to my doctor back home. Looking at the images it's a little bit of a guess as to when the baby stopped growing as the date measurements vary from 8 weeks 1 day to 8 weeks 5 days, in the end it doesn't really matter, the baby didn't make it.

So now we wait for me to miscarry.  My uterus measured 11weeks so obviously my body hasn't fully clued in yet but hopefully because now I'm aware mentally it will speed the process up. I have an appointment with the doctor next Monday (we get back Sunday morning) so I guess if I haven't miscarried by then (I really hope I do) we'll go from there.

I've decided I'm going to enjoy this last week of holidays as much as I can. I'm going to eat whatever I want and spend as much time doing fun things as I can. I'm not going to change any plans at the moment and we'll just have to wait and see when my body decides to miscarry. I feel like a weight has been lifted. The unknown of if the baby was alright was really stressful and I'm now at peace with this baby not making it. My heart breaks for him but I remind myself that I believe you do not miscarry healthy children. It's easier emotionally and physically to have the pregnancy end this way then go through what we did with Hailey. I'll always think of this little guy (I'm convinced it was a boy) and wonder what could've been. I'll update when I miscarry or when we get back home.

Update on bleeding

I forgot to update earlier until someone reminded me so sorry it's late. The bleeding stopped Friday afternoon (Australia time) so I really only ended up bleeding for a few hours and haven't had any bleeding or spotting since. We went for our "ghetto" ultrasound yesterday at my sister in law's vet office but were unable to see the baby because the placenta was in the way. I knew this would be a possibility because the machine is meant for abdominal ultrasounds on dogs and cats.

I'm now well into my 12th week so I'm hoping that since the bleeding has stopped all is well. I'll definitely be bringing it up at my appointment the day after we get home. I'm seeing the doctor in the office instead of a midwife because he has to order the echo and wanted to meet with me first. I suspect if he can't find the heartbeat with the doppler he'll send me for an ultrasound to make sure everything's ok. If he doesn't, I'll see how I feel at the time but will likely ask for one. I've given up trying to find the heartbeat with the doppler and have decided I'm just going to relax and enjoy what's left of our holiday. We will be home in 2 weeks and I'm sure it'll go by just as fast as these first 2 weeks have.

bleeding again

I had a rush of blood this morning at 10am. It freaked me out and I called up the insurance company because I wanted to go to the hospital for an ultrasound and blood work to find out if everything's ok. The insurance company told me that I'd have to pay the $300 deductible (which I knew about) but that if I did go to the hospital it would void my policy for that medical condition (pregnancy) the rest of my holiday. I also was only allowed 2 visits. The first visit had to have all my tests done on the same day and the second would be purely a follow up. I said ok and they issued me a claim number and were going to e-mail me the forms to send in with the bills. I went to the washroom before we left and it was only a little bit of blood when I wiped. On the way to the hospital Dan and I were talking about the policy and I worried about what would happen if I went and they confirmed I was going to miscarry then had complications after being sent home. My biggest fear is that I'd hemorrhage, need a D&C or get an infection and no longer have medical coverage for them. We decided to head back home and talk to my sister in law about her miscarriage and trip to the hospital. She said that all they did was blood and an ultrasound then confirmed she was going to miscarry and offered a D&C or she could go home and wait to miscarry naturally. This is pretty much what I expected so we decided to wait it out. She told the that if we wanted we could go to her work (she's a vet) and she'd do an ultrasound for me but to be aware that the quality wouldn't be the greatest and we may not be able to find the heartbeat with the machine but likely see movement. We're going to Fraser Island this weekend so since the bleeding has pretty much stopped again (just a tiny bit of brown when I wipe and it's 3pm) we're going to wait and see what happens this weekend then go for our ghetto ultrasound Sunday or Monday.

I hate being away from home and going through this. I hate not knowing what's going on. I hate that I worry about if we have lost this baby was it due to a heart defect? Seeing the heartbeat at 8 weeks makes this potential miscarriage so much worse because I know the baby had a heartbeat as last time the baby stopped growing before a heartbeat could be seen ( less then 6 weeks)

Will update Monday.

12 weeks

How far along? 12 weeks
Baby's size? Plum
Total weight gain: 9lbs (147) *shocked I haven't gained weight the first 2 weeks of holidays!*
Bellybutton: In
Stretchmarks: I never got rid of the stretchmarks from pregnancies 1 and 2!
Maternity Clothes: I still fit into my normal pants (barely) but I've pretty much switched over to maternity.
Gender: Don't think we'll find out
Movement: None
Sleep: Besides last night and the stress of spotting my sleep has been ok. I didn't have a problem with the time difference and thankfully neither did Lauren.
Symptoms: Occasional nausea and tiredness. Most of the time I forgot that I'm pregnant! 
Food Aversions: None
Food Cravings: Salt and Vinegar chips
Best Moments this week: Finally hearing the heartbeat with the doppler
What I miss: Nothing
What I am looking forward to: Feeling movement

I'm posting this a little early. I don't actually turn 12 weeks until the 16th but we're going away for a few days and I won't have time to write or post.
The bleeding I had last night stopped. I had a little bit of blood when I wiped this morning at 7:30 am and nothing since. I'm thinking everything's ok but I've told Dan no more sex until after my midwife appointment on March 4th. He's not too happy about that but he understands I don't need the extra stress of spotting.
I'm unsure if I've heard the heartbeat since. It's so hard to hear because the baby really is RIGHT under the placenta. You hear a lot of swooshing and I guess the best way to describe would be windstorm sounds and it's so loud that you really have to listen behind it. Sometimes I think I pick it up for a few seconds but then it's gone. I've come to realize that I really am attached to this pregnancy. I was devastated last night when I saw blood and obviously couldn't sleep. I've since come to realize that no matter what happens this time around I am forever grateful to have Lauren.

Heartbeat and bleeding

Today I'm 11 weeks 4 days. It's currently 3:30am Australia time and I can't sleep. Last night Dan asked if he could check for a heartbeat and we think we found it hiding behind the placenta. It was VERY hard to hear with all the placental noise but the doppler did pick up 175bpm. Then we lost it.
An hour later we had sex and when I got up to go the bathroom there was a bit of red blood. It seemed like it was from Dan's semen (he occasionally gets blood in his semen which the doctor says is just when a blood vessel burst) as it was just little streaks mixed in. A few hours later though and while it's minimal there's red blood every time I wipe.

Now comes the fun part. I'm going to ring up the travel insurance company in the morning and see what I can do. I'm hoping they'll either cover a trip to the hospital (a little unnecessary at this point) or at least a trip to a clinic and hopefully they'll do HCG levels and an ultrasound (which is what the hospital would do).

I just keep reminding myself how thankful I am to have a healthy Lauren. Will update hopefully soon.

Week 1 in Australia

We've been in Australia for a week now and the weather has not been as good as expected (considering it's mid summer). I can't really complain as although it rains and most days are overcast the temperature is still around 27 and when the sun is on you it feels a lot warmer. I've got a nice tan going already and we've spent most days so far in the water at some point during the day.

Yesterday Lauren became a cousin. My sister-in-law had her baby by scheduled c-section in the morning. We went to visit in the evening and I was impressed at how well Lauren was with him. The whole walk from the car to the hospital room Lauren kept saying "baby" over and over again. She gave her cousin LOTS of kisses and tried to give a few hugs. Hopefully she'll do just as well with her brother or sister in September.

I'm now 11 weeks. Things have been going well for the most part although I'm starting to get a little worried that I still can't find the heartbeat with the doppler. Last night I had a small amount of brown spotting but I'm trying not to worry as I had that with Lauren at 10 weeks as well. The only difference is that we were able to find her heartbeat. I talked to Dan the other night and told him that if this pregnancy doesn't work out I didn't want to try again for a while. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm hopeful that everything will be ok and it's great that I've made it to the 11 week mark.

10 weeks

I'd set this to publish Feb. 2nd (exactly 10 weeks) as we were going to be in the air but for some reason it didn't so it's a week late!

How far along? 10 weeks
Baby's size? Prune
Total weight gain: 9 lbs. (147)
Bellybutton: In
Stretchmarks: I never got rid of the stretchmarks from pregnancies 1 and 2!
Maternity Clothes: Going to start switching over today. We're in Australia until 14 weeks so I know that I'll need them within that time. I've brought lots of dresses and bought second hand maternity shorts that fit now. Most of my mat clothes are for when I'm bigger in pregnancy so I'm at that really awkward stage of pregnancy where I still fit into my normal pants but they're starting to get tight, yet maternity clothes are huge on me especially since the clothes have been worn in previous pregnancies.
Gender: Don't think we'll find out
Movement: None
Sleep: Pregnancy wise ok, Lauren's been keeping me up the past couple nights though!
Symptoms: Occasional nausea and tiredness. Most of the time I forgot that I'm pregnant! 
Food Aversions: None
Food Cravings: tuna which is weird because I don't normally like tuna!
Best Moments this week: Finished work for the next month!
What I miss: Nothing
What I am looking forward to: Holidays!!! (NOT looking forward to the LONG flights though)

I'm a little disappointed I haven't been able to find the heartbeat with the doppler yet. I've been trying every day from 9 weeks. I know it's still early but it's frustrating since I found it with Lauren at this point. It gave such peace of mind knowing there's still a heartbeat. I guess I just have to be patient. They couldn't find Hailey's at all using a doppler so maybe this baby's just being shy too. I was worried about miscarrying while flying but I took another test yesterday and was so happy to see a very positive line come up straight away before it had a change to get the control line and was even darker then the control line. I know this doesn't mean everything is ok with the baby but at least I can relax and know I won't miscarry within the next few days. I really do feel that everything is fine but there's always that little bit of doubt that I'm sure will never fully go away.