House guests after birth

I've always had an idea in my mind about what the first few weeks at home with a newborn should be like, Dan and I doing it on our own at night and having a few visitors (mainly immediate family and close friends) coming to see the baby during the day. This would give us time to bond as a family. Last year Dan's cousin was living with us and I was really sad that we wouldn't have that with Hailey as we'd have an extra person in the house. After the 20 week ultrasound and we were told this baby is healthy we started talking about what our plans would be. Dan was going to take 2 weeks off. I'd asked if he'd be ok if my mum stayed with us the first few nights after Dan went back to work, depending on how things went. Dan was dead set against this and I didn't push. I did warn him though that if I needed help and he didn't get up to help me the next night my mum would be staying over :)

Then Dan's mum decided she was going to come out. Dan asked me when I thought it'd be best and I said mid August. That would give us enough time to adjust to a newborn and bond as a family. I also didn't see the point in her coming out in July as I thought she'd want to spend as much time possible with the baby and if I went late I wouldn't be induced until early August. I thought that was the plan although I knew she hadn't booked any flights yet. This weekend Dan told me that his mum and her friend were now going to come out. They're planning on arriving July 28th or 29th and her friend would go back on August 5th and his mum on the 21st. I'm really frustrated with this.

I can't say anything about his mum coming to stay. Although it feels like a double standard that he didn't want my mum to stay with us after Dan went back to work and as much as I'd like it to just be the 3 of us with them living so far away I don't feel I can say no to her coming out. What bugs me the most is that instead of just 1 extra person we will now have 2. I have yet to bond with this baby and I'm pretty sure Dan is the same way. Unless the baby is early or close to it's due date we won't have this chance to be alone for at least 3 weeks. I've never been all that comfortable having people staying at my house (I spent most of the time Dan's cousin lived with us in my room, although that could be because I found him REALLY annoying!) So I've asked Dan to please take his holidays while his mum's friend is out. This also means if the baby is early Dan can only take while I'm in labour off work.

Then there's the flights. We have 3 airports all within an hour of our house. 2 in Canada and 1 in the US. Do you think they could fly to any of those? Nope, they have to fly into the US airport that's a 3.5 hour drive away. With them arriving either the 28th or 29th I could still be pregnant or in labour and someone has to do the 6 hour return trip to go get them. There's no way I can go as I'll already be a week overdue and I've left if up to Dan to decide if he wants to risk missing the birth to get them (which I'll be really angry about.) At the moment we're thinking of either paying one of our friends to go down and get them or asking my Dad to go. We all know that this WILL be the day I go into labour as it just seems the perfect day for it to happen and just our luck!

I'm really anxious about something else. Dan's mum had a stillbirth her first pregnancy. She felt the baby moving when she went to bed and the next morning she went into the hospital to be induced and the baby had died sometime in between. The further overdue I go the more stress will be on me and her. I'm planning on talking to my OB about this as we get closer to the due date. They tend to not induce here unless you are over 10 days late but I'm hoping to convince him to go 5 days instead. This would mean I'm induced on the 27th. I really don't want to be induced. I'd love to go into labour naturally and have as close to a natural labour as possible but the stress and anxiety of stillbirth is already eating away at me (I've already started doing kick counts to keep myself sane.) Then there's his mum's friend. Her first baby died from anencephaly. She then ended her second pregnancy when they found out that baby also had it. She now has 2 healthy children. When we went to Australia last year she was very upset after hearing what we were going through. She never had the chance to talk to anyone about her loses. Her best friend (Dan's mum) had just lost her baby and it wasn't something you talked about 30 years ago. Hailey brought back all the memories from her pregnancies.

I guess I'm just worried that the visit will be more focused on the babies we've all lost instead of being about this baby. While of course I'll think of Hailey I feel like we should be celebrating this baby not grieving the ones lost. I don't know, maybe it's selfish but it'll be hard enough on me and my post partum hormones I don't need 2 other people staying with us going through the same emotions as well. I'm sure it all just comes down to that picture I had in my mind of what those first few weeks as a family would be like and it's now going to be completely different. When did I turn so bitter?