I woke up this morning at about 4:30 and for some reason the first thought that came into my head was what if there's not enough amniotic fluid? I haven't written anything because it's kinda embarrassing and most likely too much information but for the past couple weeks I've noticed I've been "leaking". There's been a few drops when I go to the bathroom and in december when I was doing that project with work I was teamed up with a girl who was 8 months pregnant and she was telling me that she went to the doctor because she was concerned she was leaking amniotic fluid and it her doctor told her it was just a little pee due to stretching of her pelvic floor. I've been assuming this is what it was (or cervical mucus) but out of nowhere I woke up last night and got really worried.
I honestly don't think it's anything. I think it's really starting to hit me that our appointment's just over a week away. I can honestly say I'm terrified. My husband woke up from my crying and he let me cry and we talked for over an hour about my fears. My whole idea of a defence mechanism of not getting attached to this baby is a joke. Of course I'm attached. How can you not when you feel it kicking and moving around. I'm feeling better now after a few more hours sleep but I think the anxiety and stress is just going to get worse the closer we get to March 8th.
I know everyone handles this situation differently but it really bugs me how I try to start talking about how I'm feeling and people just cut me off saying "I'm sure everything will be fine." YOU ALL SAID THAT LAST TIME WHEN WE HAD TO GO FOR THE ECHO AND LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT. When I started to tell Dan the story about how I was upset that we could be going through it all again soon (from the last post) I didn't even get to the part about the baby giving me a good nudge before he cut me off and said "don't think about it, everything will be fine." When I was telling the story to my mum yesterday she said the same thing at the same time Dan did. This is why this blog has been so great for me. I try not to think about everyone reading it but at the end of the day this is a place for me to really say how I feel and not worry or care if I'm judged for it. It also helps knowing that no one I know reads it or even knows it exists (except my husband who has respected my wish not to read it at this point of our journey.) I'm thinking of calling up to make another appointment with the psychologist this week. The people I really want to talk to about it are the people who are really close to me and this baby and are dealing with it differently.
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You have every right to feel this way. With my son I was induced due to low fluid. I was in labor for 36 hours and his heart rate would drop off and on and the dr said if I didnt go in when i did to get checked Thomas wouldnt be here. After I had him I had PTH(post turm hemmriging) I lost so much blood I almost died and had to get 2 blood transfusions. We are both healthy now and we both pulled through but with my daugher I had the same fears to the point I got a tape measureer and measured myself constantly. Always asking dueing the many ultrasounds hows the fluid. Lets just say her labor and delivery was easy as pie compared to Thomas. But after having that happening the first time to you anything you could fear happened and now your "expected" to not have any fears. No its not like that at all. Im praying for you. Do you have a FB? My name is Amanda Dahmes (Amanda Steffens) from Alexandria MN. add me plz
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