How far along? 32 weeks
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: On my hips and they just appeared overnight on the lower part of my stomach :(
Maternity Clothes: Yup but they're starting to fit less comfortably.
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Lots of movement in the evenings. I think the baby reacts to my voice because while I've been studying for my test this past week the baby is always very active while I'm talking.
Sleep: I'm not sleeping that well anymore. Waking up a few times during the night and having a hard time getting back to sleep
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Nothing
Food Cravings: Candy again
Best Moments this week: I take my final test for Biology tomorrow!
What I miss: I kinda miss the kicks and being able to see them. The baby moves around more but there's not as many big kicks and movements like there was a few weeks ago. The baby is starting to move slower, I'm assuming due to less space.
What I am Looking forward to: Ultrasound Thursday!
I was really tired last week. Monday was Victoria day and a holiday so I thought I'd pick up an extra shift on my day off and get paid for 6 days while only woking 5. It was REALLY hard working that extra day! For the past 6 or so weeks I've only been working 4 days a week, one of those being a 5 hour shift. I'm now regretting doing the same this week. It's only Monday and I'm exhausted. I'm sure the lack of sleep isn't helping. I mentioned to Dan that I was starting to think about going off on Maternity leave early (I'm thinking June 30 since July 1st is a holiday.) At the moment I have my last day as July 15th and my leave starts on the 18th. I did this because I really wanted to spend as much time with the baby as possible. I'm now starting to wonder if that's wishful thinking being at work until my 39th week. Dan just looked at me and said "you realize every day you go off early is another day we'll have to pay for daycare when you go back." Now not knowing Dan this sounds a bit harsh but it's quite funny. He really is THAT cheap! However when it comes down to it I know if I really felt like I needed to go off he would support me 100%. My mum told me that she'd take her vacation time next year the first few weeks I go back to work so she can spend some 1 on 1 time with the baby, save us a few weeks daycare and have the baby adjust to a different schedule.
I don't plan on being one of those mothers who always have to be around my baby. I want to always know where my baby is but I plan on letting my mum take the baby one night a week after a certain point. I've yet to decide when this point will come but I think it's good for the baby and myself to have some time apart. I can't be with the baby every second of the day and I'm hoping spending a few nights a month away from us and our house will be good for the baby adjusting to going to daycare and school. I'm hoping if you start a child young there won't be that separation anxiety when I have no choice and return to work.
I'm so grateful and know how lucky I am to get a year maternity leave. I can't wait to meet this baby and start our lives as a little family :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Hailey's cardiac surgeon
Before I start I want to quickly go over what happened with Hailey. We were sent for an echo after the 18 week ultrasound showed a potential problem with the left ventricle. At 20 weeks we had the echo and a cardiologist, neonatologist and OB then had a meeting with us and diagnosed her with HLHS. At that point they laid it all out for us. They explained the surgeries with drawings and also gave us the options of transplant, termination and palliative care. We were told that they were in talks with a doctor from the US who does the surgeries and that he might be coming in July or August and they were hoping he'd be able to do them here. They made us fully aware there was a good chance we would have to travel at 32 weeks to either Edmonton or Toronto (the flight would be covered but accommodation near the hospital would not) if he couldn't start in time. They highly suggested we have another ultrasound done at 23 weeks to make sure there were no changes as surgery and transplant aren't always an option. At the 23 week echo Dan was listening to the doctor's talking and asked what they meant about the size of her aorta. It was then that they told us her aorta had been on the smaller side of "normal" for HLHS at 20 weeks and in the 3 weeks it hadn't grown at all with the rest of her heart. They then said this meant surgery and transplant were no longer an option and we were left with ending the pregnancy and palliative care. We had 5 days to decide as termination of a pregnancy is only legal in Canada under 24 weeks.
Yesterday the cardiac surgeon who would've done Hailey's surgeries was on the news. I watched it today and it talked about how much he was needed here and how crappy it was for families to have to travel to either Edmonton or Toronto to have complex heart surgeries. Watching it made me angry and sad. I'm sad that he never got to see Hailey and there was so much uncertainty if he would be here in time to do her surgery so we might've had to go to either of those hospitals. It makes me angry that we never actually got to speak to anyone who does the surgeries. I never really thought about it until today but the only people telling us about the surgeries and the complications and what to expect were doctor's who never actually dealt with HLHS patients. I wish we'd had the chance to sit down with someone experienced with the cases not just someone who diagnoses and then sends them away.
I guess I'm really just sitting here thinking how could I have not spoken to a cardiac surgeon or cardiologist or even a cariac nurse who has experience with what happens after the surgeries. We were so stretched for time I didn't even think to question that the doctor telling us her aorta was too small wasn't actually the doctor who would ever see her heart. I'm so angry at myself for not thinking about this. I would've travelled. I would've gone to the US to speak with that surgeon to know for sure. I can't believe this never crossed my mind. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I think back to how I was emotionally during that time and I don't think anything I did was with a clear head from the moment I heard there was a serious problem. I trusted the healthcare professionals around me and still have to now. I just need to remind myself that at 23 weeks her aorta was 1/5 the size of a healthy 23 week baby and she still had another 17 weeks of growing.
I was thinking today about this baby and worrying about if I'll compare it to Hailey. Will I say "he/she looks just like their sister did." or will it be they look nothing alike. Hailey was beautiful to me. I'm sure if this baby doesn't look like her I'll still think they are too but even now I look at the ultrasound and I compare their noses and I get sad because I loved Hailey's little turned up nose and I don't think this baby has it. Will I compare all the features that made Hailey unique? I know deep down I love this baby growing inside of me but I still don't think of it as mine. I still don't think of this baby as something I'll take home in less then 10 weeks. I'm hoping it'll all make sense and get easier once the baby is here.
Yesterday the cardiac surgeon who would've done Hailey's surgeries was on the news. I watched it today and it talked about how much he was needed here and how crappy it was for families to have to travel to either Edmonton or Toronto to have complex heart surgeries. Watching it made me angry and sad. I'm sad that he never got to see Hailey and there was so much uncertainty if he would be here in time to do her surgery so we might've had to go to either of those hospitals. It makes me angry that we never actually got to speak to anyone who does the surgeries. I never really thought about it until today but the only people telling us about the surgeries and the complications and what to expect were doctor's who never actually dealt with HLHS patients. I wish we'd had the chance to sit down with someone experienced with the cases not just someone who diagnoses and then sends them away.
I guess I'm really just sitting here thinking how could I have not spoken to a cardiac surgeon or cardiologist or even a cariac nurse who has experience with what happens after the surgeries. We were so stretched for time I didn't even think to question that the doctor telling us her aorta was too small wasn't actually the doctor who would ever see her heart. I'm so angry at myself for not thinking about this. I would've travelled. I would've gone to the US to speak with that surgeon to know for sure. I can't believe this never crossed my mind. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I think back to how I was emotionally during that time and I don't think anything I did was with a clear head from the moment I heard there was a serious problem. I trusted the healthcare professionals around me and still have to now. I just need to remind myself that at 23 weeks her aorta was 1/5 the size of a healthy 23 week baby and she still had another 17 weeks of growing.
I was thinking today about this baby and worrying about if I'll compare it to Hailey. Will I say "he/she looks just like their sister did." or will it be they look nothing alike. Hailey was beautiful to me. I'm sure if this baby doesn't look like her I'll still think they are too but even now I look at the ultrasound and I compare their noses and I get sad because I loved Hailey's little turned up nose and I don't think this baby has it. Will I compare all the features that made Hailey unique? I know deep down I love this baby growing inside of me but I still don't think of it as mine. I still don't think of this baby as something I'll take home in less then 10 weeks. I'm hoping it'll all make sense and get easier once the baby is here.
Monday, May 23, 2011
31 weeks
How far along? 31 weeks
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Started getting less movements. The baby only kicks a few times a day but I've started counting movements to keep me sane!
Sleep: Pretty good besides getting up to pee.
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Nothing
Food Cravings: Candy again
Best Moments this week: Ultrasound :)
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: It's a pretty boring week.
Not much has happened this week. I'm starting to feel like these postings are getting repetitive. My sister's cat was staying with us while she's away on her honeymoon but after 2 nights of hardly getting any sleep while the cat tore around the house we took her to my mums! Daniel is just not a cat person and the final straw came at 4am. I'd just gotten her to settle down on the bed and we'd fallen back asleep when woke Dan up by licking his face. He was NOT happy.
Nothing new happened at my OB appointment this week and I ended up cancelling my last 2 ultrasounds at 36 and 38 weeks. My last ultrasound will now be at 34+6 days so I'm hoping I can handle going 5 weeks without seeing the baby. I've really started to like hearing every 2 weeks that the baby is healthy and doing well. It's also amazing to see how much the baby's growing. The face has really started to get chubby :) On Thursday she was showing me the baby and it started blinking and then opening it's mouth. Although I'm nowhere near as emotionally attached to this baby as I was to Hailey during her pregnancy these ultrasounds really help me bond with the baby.
There's something I've been struggling with. My dad's wife is schizophrenic. I don't have an issue with my child being around someone with mental health issues who's stable (although I'd never leave them alone with a baby) but I don't want her around my child at all at the moment. My dad says she stable and taking her meds but we went over for a BBQ on Wednesday and she refused to come downstairs to socialize or eat with us. My grandma has been staying there for the past week as she came down for my sister's wedding and told me that she's still VERY jealous. That's where the real problem lies. For some reason she's very jealous of me when I'm around my dad. I guess because I don't see him much so I get most of his attention (which is probably why she wouldn't come down to eat as that was her way of getting attention?) This doesn't bother me, but I worry about my baby. A baby needs attention and this will be his first grandchild that he'll get to see outside of the hospital. I don't know how to bring this up with my dad. I don't want her around the baby until the baby is old enough to talk and can tell me if something happens. Maybe I'm just being overprotective? I couldn't live with myself and I know my dad couldn't either if anything happened though. I've been thinking that the only time she will be aloud around the baby is when we go over to his place for christmas dinner. I think I'll start having him come to us for fathers day and we normally just go out for dinner for his birthday. It really sucks though. I miss my dad and all the BBQ's we used to have at his place. We'll see how it goes I guess. Maybe we'll still go over and if things don't improve leave it at she's not aloud to be left alone with the baby. At least I don't have to worry about that for another 8-10 weeks!
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Started getting less movements. The baby only kicks a few times a day but I've started counting movements to keep me sane!
Sleep: Pretty good besides getting up to pee.
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Nothing
Food Cravings: Candy again
Best Moments this week: Ultrasound :)
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: It's a pretty boring week.
Not much has happened this week. I'm starting to feel like these postings are getting repetitive. My sister's cat was staying with us while she's away on her honeymoon but after 2 nights of hardly getting any sleep while the cat tore around the house we took her to my mums! Daniel is just not a cat person and the final straw came at 4am. I'd just gotten her to settle down on the bed and we'd fallen back asleep when woke Dan up by licking his face. He was NOT happy.
Nothing new happened at my OB appointment this week and I ended up cancelling my last 2 ultrasounds at 36 and 38 weeks. My last ultrasound will now be at 34+6 days so I'm hoping I can handle going 5 weeks without seeing the baby. I've really started to like hearing every 2 weeks that the baby is healthy and doing well. It's also amazing to see how much the baby's growing. The face has really started to get chubby :) On Thursday she was showing me the baby and it started blinking and then opening it's mouth. Although I'm nowhere near as emotionally attached to this baby as I was to Hailey during her pregnancy these ultrasounds really help me bond with the baby.
There's something I've been struggling with. My dad's wife is schizophrenic. I don't have an issue with my child being around someone with mental health issues who's stable (although I'd never leave them alone with a baby) but I don't want her around my child at all at the moment. My dad says she stable and taking her meds but we went over for a BBQ on Wednesday and she refused to come downstairs to socialize or eat with us. My grandma has been staying there for the past week as she came down for my sister's wedding and told me that she's still VERY jealous. That's where the real problem lies. For some reason she's very jealous of me when I'm around my dad. I guess because I don't see him much so I get most of his attention (which is probably why she wouldn't come down to eat as that was her way of getting attention?) This doesn't bother me, but I worry about my baby. A baby needs attention and this will be his first grandchild that he'll get to see outside of the hospital. I don't know how to bring this up with my dad. I don't want her around the baby until the baby is old enough to talk and can tell me if something happens. Maybe I'm just being overprotective? I couldn't live with myself and I know my dad couldn't either if anything happened though. I've been thinking that the only time she will be aloud around the baby is when we go over to his place for christmas dinner. I think I'll start having him come to us for fathers day and we normally just go out for dinner for his birthday. It really sucks though. I miss my dad and all the BBQ's we used to have at his place. We'll see how it goes I guess. Maybe we'll still go over and if things don't improve leave it at she's not aloud to be left alone with the baby. At least I don't have to worry about that for another 8-10 weeks!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
30 weeks
How far along? 30 weeks
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: The baby moves more then it kicks now
Sleep: Pretty good but I've been waking up at 3am and staying awake for an hour.
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Not really into red meat at the moment
Food Cravings: nothing really
Best Moments this week: My sister's wedding
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: Ultrasound on Thursday
I think I've decided what I'm going to do about the ultrasounds. Last OB appointment he told me I could either stop the ultrasounds at 32 weeks as they're no longer needed or continue if I want to. I've decided that I'm going to cancel my 34 week ultrasound, go to the 36 week one and cancel the 38 week. So that means that I have 3 instead of 5 ultrasounds to go. I just don't want to go 2 months not having an ultrasound so having one in between will ease my mind that everything is still going good.
My sister's wedding went well. I couldn't sleep the night before so it was a REALLY long day. Now we have her cat for the next week while she's on her honeymoon.
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: The baby moves more then it kicks now
Sleep: Pretty good but I've been waking up at 3am and staying awake for an hour.
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Not really into red meat at the moment
Food Cravings: nothing really
Best Moments this week: My sister's wedding
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: Ultrasound on Thursday
I think I've decided what I'm going to do about the ultrasounds. Last OB appointment he told me I could either stop the ultrasounds at 32 weeks as they're no longer needed or continue if I want to. I've decided that I'm going to cancel my 34 week ultrasound, go to the 36 week one and cancel the 38 week. So that means that I have 3 instead of 5 ultrasounds to go. I just don't want to go 2 months not having an ultrasound so having one in between will ease my mind that everything is still going good.
My sister's wedding went well. I couldn't sleep the night before so it was a REALLY long day. Now we have her cat for the next week while she's on her honeymoon.
Daniel and I at the reception
Sunday, May 8, 2011
29 weeks
How far along? 29 weeks
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Lots
Sleep: Pretty good but I've been waking up at 3am and staying awake for an hour.
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Not really into red meat at the moment
Food Cravings: Popcorn this week.
Best Moments this week: My normal ultrasound and a 3D one this weekend.
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: My sister's wedding on Saturday :)
This past week my anxiety about this pregnancy has been quite high. I don't know why. The baby is healthy and they are monitoring me as close as they can but I'm just so scared something will go wrong. As much as it was nice to see the baby in 3D, the first time we went the baby was playing with the umbilical cord (which I didn't like, but I know that they do) and then this time when she first started it she was saying the baby had the cord in it's mouth. I've just sat here trying to find a picture to put up and I find myself analyzing every picture to see where the cord is because from her reaction and the look of the pics it kinda looks like the cord is around the neck. I'm probably just freaking myself out. I have to admit now that I'm past the stage of worrying about the heart. My biggest fear now is stillbirth. I just wish I could hurry up and be done with the pregnancy. I just want this baby safely in my arms.
I think part of the reason why I'm so emotional is because although this is now my second mother's day since Hailey it really should've been my first with her. My mind then goes back to how different things should've been today it would've been like if she were healthy and here. We have group tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to talking about her and how the past few weeks have been with people who understand and have just been through their first mother's day with their child too.
Baby's size? Squash
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Lots
Sleep: Pretty good but I've been waking up at 3am and staying awake for an hour.
Symptoms: Starting to get tired easier.
Food Aversions: Not really into red meat at the moment
Food Cravings: Popcorn this week.
Best Moments this week: My normal ultrasound and a 3D one this weekend.
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: My sister's wedding on Saturday :)
This past week my anxiety about this pregnancy has been quite high. I don't know why. The baby is healthy and they are monitoring me as close as they can but I'm just so scared something will go wrong. As much as it was nice to see the baby in 3D, the first time we went the baby was playing with the umbilical cord (which I didn't like, but I know that they do) and then this time when she first started it she was saying the baby had the cord in it's mouth. I've just sat here trying to find a picture to put up and I find myself analyzing every picture to see where the cord is because from her reaction and the look of the pics it kinda looks like the cord is around the neck. I'm probably just freaking myself out. I have to admit now that I'm past the stage of worrying about the heart. My biggest fear now is stillbirth. I just wish I could hurry up and be done with the pregnancy. I just want this baby safely in my arms.
I think part of the reason why I'm so emotional is because although this is now my second mother's day since Hailey it really should've been my first with her. My mind then goes back to how different things should've been today it would've been like if she were healthy and here. We have group tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to talking about her and how the past few weeks have been with people who understand and have just been through their first mother's day with their child too.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
28 weeks
Ok I've been slacking a little. I'm writting this 28 week post 2 days before I'm 29 weeks.
How far along? 28 weeks
Baby's size? Eggplant
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Lots! You'd think the baby didn't sleep.
Sleep: Pretty good
Symptoms: None. Finally in the 3rd trimester!
Food Aversions: Not really into red meat at the moment
Food Cravings: Chocolate. I'm not usually a chocolate person but with easter there's lots of it around.
Best Moments this week: I was lying on the couch at my mum's and she was moving and poking my stomach and the baby would kick her back. It was a lovely moment between 3 generations :)
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: Ultrasound tomorrow
I've just come from an OB appointment. My BP was a little high but still within normal and he's not too concerned as I was telling him how anxious I've started to become. He says that my ultrasounds have all been good and that my cervix is still at 4 so there's really no concern that I'll go into early labour anymore. He said I could stop going for ultrasound when I'm 32 weeks but if I wanted to continue them and they'd help with my anxiety then he has no problem with keeping them going. I've been thinking of cancelling them after 32 weeks but at this point I think I'll wait and see. I've been fighting with this as I know there's no reason to continue them and it's not going to change my chances of a stillbirth so what's the point other then getting to see the baby.
Stillbirth has been on my mind a lot lately. That's the main reason for my anxiety. Dan's mother had a stillbirth and after going through what we did with Hailey I don't even want to imagine what it'll do to me if anything happens to this baby. I keep reminding myself that the odds are stacked quite heavily in my (and baby's) favour but every once in a while I'll get really nervous and can feel my heart starting to race, especially if I haven't felt the baby move much.
I'm now off to the hospital to register at the maternity ward. I've been meaning to do this after every ultrasound but keep forgetting so I've decided to make an extra trip to get it done. They like you to register at 18 weeks so I'm just a little late!
How far along? 28 weeks
Baby's size? Eggplant
Total Weight Gain: I've stopped checking, it was making me too sad.
Bellybutton: Still in but it's getting closer. I've never been so creeped out by my belly button!
Stretchmarks: Still only on my hips
Maternity Clothes: Yup
Gender: I caved! Not allowed to say though
Movement: Lots! You'd think the baby didn't sleep.
Sleep: Pretty good
Symptoms: None. Finally in the 3rd trimester!
Food Aversions: Not really into red meat at the moment
Food Cravings: Chocolate. I'm not usually a chocolate person but with easter there's lots of it around.
Best Moments this week: I was lying on the couch at my mum's and she was moving and poking my stomach and the baby would kick her back. It was a lovely moment between 3 generations :)
What I miss: Nothing
What I am Looking forward to: Ultrasound tomorrow
I've just come from an OB appointment. My BP was a little high but still within normal and he's not too concerned as I was telling him how anxious I've started to become. He says that my ultrasounds have all been good and that my cervix is still at 4 so there's really no concern that I'll go into early labour anymore. He said I could stop going for ultrasound when I'm 32 weeks but if I wanted to continue them and they'd help with my anxiety then he has no problem with keeping them going. I've been thinking of cancelling them after 32 weeks but at this point I think I'll wait and see. I've been fighting with this as I know there's no reason to continue them and it's not going to change my chances of a stillbirth so what's the point other then getting to see the baby.
Stillbirth has been on my mind a lot lately. That's the main reason for my anxiety. Dan's mother had a stillbirth and after going through what we did with Hailey I don't even want to imagine what it'll do to me if anything happens to this baby. I keep reminding myself that the odds are stacked quite heavily in my (and baby's) favour but every once in a while I'll get really nervous and can feel my heart starting to race, especially if I haven't felt the baby move much.
I'm now off to the hospital to register at the maternity ward. I've been meaning to do this after every ultrasound but keep forgetting so I've decided to make an extra trip to get it done. They like you to register at 18 weeks so I'm just a little late!
Hailey's 1 year anniversary
It's been nearly a week since Hailey's one year mark. I was surprised at how well the day went. On the 27th I went to the grave and left flowers as this was the day her heart stopped and she passed away. I'd asked a co worker who's daughter likes baking if she could bake some cupcakes for me, so on the 28th we had cupcakes with pink icing for Hailey. I brought the rest over to my mum's and Dan and I went to the grave together and ate one there. It was a nice moment between us. After we left the flowers we stood for a few moments and talked about how we were both amazed that it's been a year already. Of course I cried and was a bit surprised to look over and see Dan crying as well (this is only the 2nd time I've seen him cry.) I know he's cried about Hailey but he tends to do it on his own. It was nice for us to be able to grieve together in that moment.
I ended up buying a total of 3 sets of flowers. One I placed at the grave on the 27th, one of the 28th and I also bought flowers for our living room. Originally they were up on the fireplace with the pictures and the rest of Hailey's ashes but they kept falling over so now they sit by the window and every once in a while I'll walk into the living room and can smell the flowers.
I ended up buying a total of 3 sets of flowers. One I placed at the grave on the 27th, one of the 28th and I also bought flowers for our living room. Originally they were up on the fireplace with the pictures and the rest of Hailey's ashes but they kept falling over so now they sit by the window and every once in a while I'll walk into the living room and can smell the flowers.
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