7 words

It always amazes me how quickly your life can change. Car accident, phone call or in our case 7 words "Your baby has hypoplastic left heart syndrome." 2 years today we heard those 7 words that changed our lives forever and there's no denying how different we are from hearing them. I've been finding this time of year hard. I'm so thankful for Lauren and love her so much but it reminds me of how different our lives could've been. How different we thought are lives were going to be 2 years and 1 day ago.

I think back to the girl I was and shake my head. I was so young, carefree and naive. I thought I was invincible and that bad things wouldn't happen to me, it was always someone else. Those 7 words hit me like a ton of bricks leaving me speechless and lost. That day I learned that just because you've made it half way through a pregnancy doesn't mean you'll get to take a baby home from the hospital. We learned that babies can survive in vitro with fatal defects thanks to their mothers. We learned we were 1 in 100. We were 1 out of an average 10 cases in BC a year.

I guess that day wasn't all bad. We learned we were pregnant with a baby girl. We got to see that baby girl on screen for a few hours (little did we know it's not good to get such long screen time.) We knew walking into that hospital there was a possibility our baby was sick. We just never imagined how much our lives would change that day.

I'm going to take flowers to the grave today with Lauren. Dan has to help move equipment for archery (he did ask me if it's ok) and when I asked if he wanted me to wait he said it was fine. I don't think he likes going out there very much. We do have her ashes here too but I find the cemetery peaceful and a place I can grieve. Truthfully I prefer going by myself anyway.