Another step forward

I worked at one of my favourite labs today. A friend of mine who works there is currently 33 weeks pregnant. I haven't seen her much lately with everything going on in her life so it's always great to get to work together. We had an hour that was quiet and started chatting. I told her how Dan promised me if the next pregnancy doesn't work out I'm allowed to get a dog (Dan isn't really an animal person.) While we were chatting she took my hand and placed it on her belly where the baby was kicking. She then looked at me and said "I promise you will feel this again but it'll be your baby kicking you." After a little cry I then got up the courage to ask her what I've been thinking about for a while. I asked if I could come over sometime after she's the baby to hold him. I don't want the first newborn I hold after Hailey to be our second child and since she's having a boy it makes it a little easier. She said absolutely and since it's a c section she'll need the help.  I'm so thankful with how understanding and supportive she's been.

I ended up getting the mercury free flu shot today. I sat down with the nurse and told her how I know it probably doesn't have any effect but I got it last year just after we'd conceived and she had a heart defect. She said that it's really unlikely for anything like that to be affected by the mercury but she completely understood my need to feel like I've changed something this time around. It's such a horrible feeling knowing there's nothing you can do to prevent it from happening again. At least if we knew what caused HLHS I could try to prevent it.