Dr. Appointment

I can't sleep. All I can think about is my doctor's appointment I had yesterday afternoon. It was with the same doctor I had my last official appointment with who I didn't really like. I don't want to see him again. Here's how the appointment went:

I came in to the appointment with 4 questions:
1- switching to a breastfeeding friendly anti depressant
2- the clot over my cervix
3- due date
4- gestational diabetes screen

I asked about the clot over my cervix first. He made me feel like it was such a stupid question to ask. My question was basically if this clot (which he said was big) is over my cervix will I still know if my water breaks or I have more bleeding? Is this going to be able to pass around or through the clot. Basically the short answer was obviously yes.

Second I asked about my due date. I asked what the ultrasound measured the baby at and he said that the report said the baby was measuring 20 weeks 4 days, which isn't what the tech told me. I said ok I just wanted to check because those dates mean I got a positive test 2 days after I ovulated. He got out the pregnancy wheel chart and started looking at it. While he was I told him I got a positive test on April 22nd. He said "Are you sure it was April?" I said yes I ever double checked and wrote it down before coming here. I also informed him that this due date would mean my hcg was over 9000 at exactly 5 weeks. He seemed very confused, looked at the wheel again and said oh well, we're sticking with this due date. So as of right now my due date is still January 12th.

He actually mentioned the diabetes screen and I asked if I could do the 1 hour instead of 2 because I don't want to take Lauren with me and can't find a morning that I'm free to be able to do it. He was fine with this and gave me a requisition telling me if it was high I'd have to go for the 2 hour. Finally a question that I was happy with the answer!!!!!!!

Lastly, the switching of meds. I didn't even get around to asking to switch. I mentioned how I was concerned that the pamphlet said I shouldn't breastfeed on these antidepressants and he told me not to worry about it, that the benefits far outweighed not being on them. At the time I took this to mean I could still breastfeed while on them and the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh not breastfeeding, even on these meds but now I'm not sure. Was he really saying not to worry about breastfeeding and that being on these meds are more important then breastfeeding? I don't really like either answer. It wasn't until after coming home and thinking about it some more that I realized I don't want to breastfeed if it's potentially harmful to the baby. I'm not going to put the baby at risk, it's in the pamphlet for a reason. It doesn't even say it's not recommended it says DON'T. Breastfeeding is really important to me and I will breastfeed this baby. Honestly I already have a ton of guilt just taking these meds, to add not being able to breastfeed on top of that heartbreaking. I've been up most of the night crying over this and have decided to go to a walk in tomorrow and switch to Zoloft. If they refuse, I'll stop taking them all together and see how it goes.

After all the questions were done he did my blood pressure then I laid down for him to measure my stomach and check the heartbeat. He found the heartbeat pretty quickly but kept listening for a while. Eventually he asked me if the baby had been moving around lots. I said yes it had been moving earlier. He said oh ok, cause it's racing at the moment, had I drank coffee recently? No I had not. He said he was going to listen a little longer to see if it would go down and eventually it did and he was happy with this. This kind of scares me. Should we not be concerned the baby's heart rate was really high, even if it did eventually go down, especially with me starting new meds one week ago? I'm hoping it was just high from the stress I was under due to me not liking his answers to the majority of my questions.

I'm going to phone the midwife group I was with during my last miscarriage and see if I can switch to them. If I can't I'll phone the clinic back and see who my next appointment is with and ask to make it with someone else if it's him. I don't want to see him throughout my whole pregnancy. The woman I saw who initially gave me the prescription told me I'd need to be monitored more closely and to come back after 2 weeks to see how I'm doing. This doctor just gave me a prescription for another month (after asking me if I wanted to increase the dose, I said no!) to make it to my next appointment.