Day 1

I started writing a post this morning about how I wasn't sure if today would be day 1 because I started spotting last night (which I never do) and it continued all day. Finally tonight it became more than spotting.  I knew I wouldn't be pregnant because we ended up using birth control most of the month. Originally I was confused because the first time we had sex after my new cycle started Dan brought out a condom. I asked him what he was doing and he came up with a lame excuse. I honestly didn't really want to get pregnant this past month with my half marathon coming up so I didn't argue. We did talk about it the next day and I told Dan that if he didn't want to stop using birth control this month I was fine with it and that I only really said it was alright because he'd mentioned he'd be ok if I got pregnant so I thought that's what he wanted. He told me it had been what he wanted but suddenly when it came time to actually stop using it he just wasn't ready so we used condoms right up until day 20, when I figured we should be safe. We have decided though that this month we wont use any form of birth control.

I just don't feel like it's going to happen right away. This is the first time I haven't been excited or anxious to get pregnant soon. I don't know if it's just because I'm on day 1 but I don't think my hearts really in it at the moment. Maybe it's because for nearly 2 years that's all I thought about. On the plus side I'm also not feeling anxious about the possibility of another heart baby either. Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy to get pregnant this month but I also would be ok if it didn't happen right away. Maybe I'm just preparing myself. I've warned Dan that it may take a little while to get pregnant this time around. I'm pretty sure Dan thinks we'll get pregnant right away like we did in the past but I'm not feeling very hopeful. Last time my cycles were so consistent I knew exactly when I'd ovulate and we had sex accordingly (Lauren's pregnancy). We also did the every second day method to get pregnant with Hailey. This time around because my cycle's so inconsistent with timing I have no idea when I ovulate. We also aren't full on trying either (ie. not having sex at certain times just to get pregnant). These next few cycles will be much more relaxed and if we aren't pregnant by the time we get back from Australia (in May) we'll start seriously trying. At least this past cycle was 27 days so it's getting back on track. We'll see how long it goes this month.