Jack's heart

Unfortunately we learned that Jack wasn't as healthy as we originally thought. Here's the story about how we found out:

Since Jack was "premature", only by 2 days they checked his sugar levels at 2 hours old. It was very low (1.?) so it was decided he'd be sent up to the nicu to be monitored. This was incredibly hard. I knew he would be fine but it just brought back all the memories with Hailey. It's such a horrible feeling being in a room on your own just hours after giving birth. Eventually after crying for a while I rang the nurse and explained that we'd had a stillbirth and it was really hard not being with him. She called over to the nicu and we were allowed to go up to be with him. His sugars were checked often and they increased to 3.6 so he was allowed to leave and go back to our room. While he was being checked out by the paediatrician he noticed a heart murmur. Without having anymore tests he suspects it's a hole in the septum. We will have to do more tests but he expects it to close on it's own without surgery. He ordered an ecg to be done the next morning just incase. We waited all day for the results of the ecg. I saw the OB who said I could go home when Jack was discharged and the doctor who would normally check over Jack said he'd discharge us as long as the paediatrician gave the ok. All we needed to do was wait for him to come and tell us we could go. Around 6 he came in and checked Jack over again. He asked if we noticed any difficulty breathing or colour issues and we said no. I then asked if the ecg had come back ok. He then said "no actually it showed dextrocardia." I do ecg's with my job so I knew what that meant. My heart sank. Here we thought we'd have a healthy baby and yet we were being told he potentially had a heart defect too. Well, he did have at least one since the hole in his heart is considered a CHD. He wanted to order a chest X-ray to see what it showed. We did it around 9 and after waiting around a few hours the nurse mentioned that there was no radiologist on duty to read it and that we likely would be here all night again. Dan went home to get some sleep and watch Lauren. He returned the next morning with Lauren and we waited until 11 for the paediatrician to come back to talk to us. Basically he said he doesn't know. The chest X-ray didn't show a mirror image like you would see in true dextrocardia but it is definitely tilted and not a "normal" X-ray. He was referring us to children's for an ultrasound, echo and meeting with a cardiologist. He was hoping we'd go the next day (the 23rd) or sometime that week but warned that with the holidays their staff wouldn't be normal and they wanted to do all the tests and appointments the same day. He discharged us and made sure to say that he wasn't too concerned and if he was we'd be transferred to children's immediately or not allowed to leave the hospital. We were sent home and told to keep an eye on his breathing and colour and return if anything was "off".

It's been a rough 11 days. I watch him closely and he's always in the same room as us. He sleeps in the pack and play or bouncer during the day and in the basinet next to our bed at night. He's a great sleeper and has made adjusting from 1 to 2 kids pretty easy. He only really wakes at night for feeding and diaper changes. We still aren't sleeping much but that's just my anxiety about all that can go wrong at night. I saw my doctor yesterday and Jack seems to be doing really well. He's past his birthweight and has great colour. She said that we shouldn't expect a call from children's until next week. She thought that the outpatient programs were closed over the holidays. The waiting is the hardest part. I just want to know what's going on with him so we can deal with it and move forward. It could be nothing or it could be something. At this point we don't know.

Birth story

I started getting uncomfortable braxton hicks (that's what I thought it was at least) around 1pm on the 19th. They'd come and go lasting for different lengths of time and different intervals in between. I thought I was in false labour by 5 because they hadn't gone away but weren't getting worse. Dan asked me if I was sure it was false labour and I said no, I'm just assuming because it's so early. A friend suggested I have a bath to see if that helped. Apparently false labour gets better in the bath. It didn't stop it, although  was anything but relaxing with Lauren watching and throwing bath toys in she thought I'd like. After 30 minutes she joined me and we played for a little bit in the bath. I got out and decided to call labour and delivery to see what they said. Since I wasn't 37 weeks they suggested I come in and get checked out. I went with my mom and they did a 30 minute stress test which showed a few random contractions and that the baby was doing fine. My OB happened to be the one on call. When she did an exam at 7:30 she said I was 1 cm and still pretty thick. I was then sent home.

The contractions didn't go away and actually got a little more painful. At 11:45 I decided to take a gravel to help me sleep since I couldn't sleep through the contractions. Around 12 I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and felt a gush. I immediately said to Dan that I'm either bleeding, like I did while in labour with Lauren or my water broke. I got up and went to the bathroom. sure enough my water had broken. It just kept coming randomly too which was really uncomfortable. I called my mum and asked her to come watch Lauren. I also called labour and delivery to let them know I'd be coming back and they were shocked!! We were so unprepared so went to the hospital with nothing.

At the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors again and it was showing 3 contractions every 10 minutes. I was then taken to a room. Unfortunately around 3am the contractions slowed then stopped. I slept until around 7am waking up the odd time with a contraction. Then we started walking the hallways since we knew it was only a matter of time before induction talk would start.

Since I wasn't having contractions anymore they decided to induce me at 10:30 with oxytocin. I wasn't too happy about this as I'd gotten my hopes up of an uninduced childbirth after my water breaking and had heard horror stories of how bad the contractions were. They promised to only use as much as necessary and start very low and slowly increase every 30 minutes so we started the induction. I started getting regular contractions around 1pm and around 3 I started using gas. This is also when I was 4 cm and considered in active labour. The gas worked for about an hour and then we tried fentynol which also worked briefly. I loved both nurses who looked after me. I mainly had one nurse and the other came in while she was on lunch or breaks.  Unfortunately because of the induction I wasn't able to walk around anymore. They needed to monitor the baby and my contractions and the portable machine wasn't picking up the heartbeat very well. So I just laid in bed for the most part. That actually turned out to be ok because the contractions got intense fast. I cried much sooner then I did with Lauren during contractions and even joked to the nurse about it in-between. Around 4:30 I decided that the pain was just too much. It was so much worse then with Lauren. I never felt that it was worth getting an epidural with her. The thought of them scare the crap out of me. It seems so unnatural to put a large needle into your spine for any reason. However this time I was very willing. The doctor wasn't going to be in until 5 and there was one other request on the ward then he would come and see me. I literally counted down every 10 minutes. It was brutal and the contractions were pretty much one on top of the other. I didn't feel like I really had more then a few seconds off the gas in between contractions and near the end just kept breathing it in the whole time. Finally around 6 the doctor came in and went over the risks. Just to give an idea of how much pain I was in....... remember how I said with Lauren I never considered it worth the risk of getting an epidural? Well when he was going over the risks I thought in my mind "yeah yeah I don't care if I'm paralyzed just make it stop!" He put the epidural in and after a few minutes I felt my feet go numb. The doctor was still in the room when I felt like it was time to push. The nurse checked me and I was 9 cm. She called the OB who arrived very shortly after and I was 10 cm and ready to push. This OB, who wasn't my regular one takes pride in saying that very few of his patients ever tear and he was very good. He looked me straight in the eye and said that if I didn't want to tear I needed to listen to exactly what he was saying. If he told me not to push, don't push. As much as that was going to hurt it would be worth it not having stitches. 2 pushes and he was out at 6:24 pm. No tearing and at one point he did tell me to stop pushing, which I did and Jack came out all on his own. I'm glad that the epidural hadn't fully kicked in. I'm glad that I was able to feel him come out and I really do believe that the epidural relaxed me just enough to listen to the doctor.

I had mentioned to the nurse to not bother saying what the sex was and how with Lauren I asked 6 times before they finally just showed me. This time she held him up and I was the one to first say "It's a boy!" It's a moment I'll never forget.
We did skin on skin and it took a while for the placenta to come out. He weighed 2664g or 5lbs 13oz.

Baby at 36 weeks 5 days

IT'S A BOY!!!!!

I'm going to do multiple posts for birth story and what's gone on since. He's considered a preemie and  he does have some preemie related issues but he's home with us now. His birth weight was 5lbs 13 oz. I'm still in shock to have an early baby. I already had my eyes set on the January 22nd induction date. We've named him Jackson but quite often find ourselves calling him Jack so sorry if it's confusing, I'm sure I'll end up using both randomly.

Lauren has been such a great big sister. She absolutely adores her little brother and showers him with love. It's so cool to watch the bond form that will only get stronger as time goes on. I'm so proud of her, of both of them.

37 weeks FULL TERM!!!!!!

How far along? 37 weeks
Baby's size? Winter melon
Weight gain: Starting Pregnancy weight: 148.6 Now: 197.2  Up  48.6 lbs 
Stretch marks? I never got rid of my stretch marks from Hailey and Lauren
Maternity clothes? Yup, L pants and XL shirts
Gender:  Not finding out
Movement: All the time
Sleep: Baby is now sitting on my bladder so I'm up at least once a night
Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, sometimes painful and more frequent, heartburn
Food aversions: Nothing
Food cravings: Kraft dinner
Best moments this week: hearing baby is still heart healthy
What I miss: Feeling normal
What I'm looking forward to: Holding this baby in my arms, massage tomorrow!!!

I had an ultrasound on Tuesday. We thought the baby was breech and she wanted to check the growth as I was measuring 34 weeks at the last appointment. The appointment was at 8am at the hospital and of course 11pm I felt the baby turn and start kicking my up high so I knew it was no longer breech!!! They also checked the heart and as far as they can tell the baby is still heart healthy. He had some trouble getting a view of the 4 chambers and when I explained that this was the most important view for us he tried harder and showed me a picture of what he thought was 4 chambers, which from experience I know was. The only issue with the ultrasound was that I was supposed to be 36 weeks 3 days and the baby was measuring 34 weeks 2 days and weighing only 4 lbs 12 oz. I spoke to the OB the next day and she said it's still within "normal" range and nothing to worry about at this point but we'll keep an eye on my stomach growth. 

I feel like I know why the baby hasn't grown as fast as my others. The anxiety. The baby was spot on the Jan. 12 due date at my 21 week ultrasound/echo so it's only been the last 16 weeks the growth has slowed which is when the anxiety really picked up. This is one of the reasons my doctors pushed me to go on meds. It was better for the baby and anxiety can cause low birth weight etc. No one wants to come out and tell me this is likely the reason, I assume in fear I'll feel guilty and I would've 4 weeks ago. This is how I know the meds are working. Honestly the way I'm looking at it is that I didn't know. If I'd known I would've started them earlier. I can't change what's already happened all I know is that now I'm doing what's best for myself and the baby. The baby is healthy other then on the smaller side and that's all that matter. It just means I may get some use out of the newborn clothes Lauren fit into for a week!

My braxton hicks have really picked up the past couple days. Occasionally they're painful and move to my back. In fact I've had 4 in the last 40 minutes. I get hopeful that this baby will come soon but then I think about how our lives will change and how this will be my past pregnancy and start to try to enjoy the movements more. I've given into that likelihood that this baby will most likely need to be induced, which by the way will be no later then January 22. Nearly 1 month until I know for certain I will no longer be pregnant and will get to hold this last piece of our family puzzle in my arms.

36 weeks

How far along? 36 weeks
Baby's size? Honeydew
Weight gain: Starting Pregnancy weight: 148.6 Now: 194.6  Up  46 lbs 
Stretch marks? I never got rid of my stretch marks from Hailey and Lauren
Maternity clothes? Yup, L pants and XL shirts
Gender:  Not finding out
Movement: All the time
Sleep: Baby is now sitting on my bladder so I'm up at least once a night
Symptoms: Braxton Hicks, sometimes painful and more frequent
Food aversions: Nothing
Food cravings: Kraft dinner
Best moments this week: Meeting my OB
What I miss: Feeling normal
What I'm looking forward to: Holding this baby in my arms

I'll start off my saying that I'm feeling and doing so much better since starting the meds 2 weeks ago. I can't believe the difference it's made and I'm so glad I made the decision to go on them.
This week has been a good week. I met with the OB yesterday and am really happy with her. She's new in town so has few patients and lots of time. My appointment yesterday took 20 minutes and there was no one waiting when I came out. I do suspect I'll be her first patient to have a baby. The maternity group didn't send over my chart so we went over my history. When I mentioned I was taking zoloft she replied "good, I was prepared to have a nice long chat with you about how it's a good idea to go on it and that it wouldn't harm the baby." I never hurts hearing that again from a 4th doctor though.
I explained that I think I'm actually further along then my Jan. 12th due date since the dates don't really work out with my positive test but when she measured my stomach she was a little concerned about the possibility I may be 37 weeks since I was barely measuring 34. She said she'd order an ultrasound to make sure everything's ok and check my previous ultrasounds when the file comes in. She then felt the baby and confirmed my suspicion, the baby is breech which is a second reason for the ultrasound too. I said I'm happy having one because I know that heart issues can arise later in pregnancy and it would be nice to double check that everything is still good. She said she'd add on the request to check the heart again but that at this late stage it can be more difficult to see anything. I mentioned that the baby has occasionally turned head down in the past, mostly overnight as I will wake up to kicks to the ribs but always within a few hours of being up the baby has turned back to breech. She said this was called an unstable (something, can't remember!) and that likely we'll try to turn the baby later and then induce right away. She always talked about if I ended up needing a c section if I'd want a tubal at the same time. I said yes. Dan and I sort of disagree in this area but I don't want to risk another pregnancy so if she's already there mine as well make it permanent. Dan will also be getting a vasectomy when he finally calls.

That's pretty much it for the week. Next week I have an appointment with the mental health nurse, my OB and then friday I've booked a prenatal massage. I'm really looking forward to that last one!!

35 weeks

How far along? 35 weeks
Baby's size? Coconut
Weight gain: Starting Pregnancy weight: 148.6 Now: 191.5  Up  42.9 lbs 
Stretch marks? I never got rid of my stretch marks from Hailey and Lauren
Maternity clothes? Yup, L pants and XL shirts
Gender:  Not finding out
Movement: All the time
Sleep: Baby is now sitting on my bladder so I'm up at least once a night
Symptoms: Braxton Hicks
Food aversions: Nothing
Food cravings: 1% milk, mandarin oranges
Best moments this week: Starting meds
What I miss: Feeling normal
What I'm looking forward to: Holding this baby in my arms

This week everything seemed to fall into place. I got an appointment date to see my new OB, my short term disability was approved and I started on the anti anxiety meds. I'll go a little into each of these.

Overall it's been a good week for anxiety. It's still there and it still has a strong hold on most things I do but I've been able to control the panic attacks through breathing. When I feel myself getting worked up I take deep breaths and concentrate on my breathing. So far this has managed to calm me down enough. I started my meds on Wednesday morning. I talked to my doctor Monday and she said she'd researched over the weekend and zoloft looked like the best and safest option for pregnancy and breastfeeding. She asked me which pharmacy I wanted it faxed to. I went to pick up the prescription around 4:30 to start taking that night with dinner only to find the doctors office never faxed it in. When I got home there was a message from the receptionist telling me I had a prescription waiting for me at the office and I could come pick it up. Of course it was 5:02 when I got home and the office stops taking calls at 5. I know I've said this before but I really hate the receptionists at her office. My doctor is awesome and I love her but it all falls short with the receptionist. Tuesday morning I called and said that I'd spoken to the doctor and it was supposed to be faxed to the pharmacy so could they please do that as I wasn't going to have a car within office hours until Thursday to come pick it up. They did and I picked up the prescription that night. I decided to take it in the mornings instead of at dinner just because I already take my iron and prenatal's at night so I thought it would be easier to space them out. I'm not one to forget to take pills so it's not a big deal taking stuff twice a day, at least not now, we'll see once the baby comes! I also had my appointment with the psychiatrist Thursday. It went well. She agreed that my doctor had chosen the best medication and suggested that if I don't notice a difference in the next 2 weeks with anxiety or sleep to up the dosage from 25mg to 50 mg and stay on that until the baby is born then adjust if needed. My doctor only did the prescription for 30 days so I'll go back and see her at the end of december and decide what to do from there.  I'm feeling better about being on this medication. If I have to be on anything it makes me feel better knowing that I'm on the safest possible and that I can breastfeed while on it.

I'm looking forward to seeing the OB this coming Thursday. It doesn't sound like she'll have my file at that point and it seems to be more of a meet and greet but that's fine. Really all they do at 35 weeks is check bp, urine, measure tummy and check the heart beat anyway so it's not that big of a deal if she doesn't have my file. I'll ask all my questions when I see her for my 36 week appointment when I assume she'll do the group b swab.

I'm so happy to finally have less stress about my short term disability claim. I still haven't received any paperwork but I called Tuesday afternoon and spoke to someone. She said my claim had been approved and that I should've received my first payment on the 29th but sometimes the first one can be delayed waiting for it to clear. Sure enough it came into my account the next morning! It's such a relief and at the moment it still covers the mortgage payments. The only issue is that my claim was only approved until December 27th. I couldn't figure this out and my boss even called to ask what was going on and if I was planning to come back to work for 2 weeks. I was going to wait for the paperwork to come in the mail and see if there was an explanation on it but I think I figured it out last night. The primary diagnosis was threatened pre term labour. The std coverage stops when I hit 38 weeks, if I go into labour it'll no longer be pre term. I now have to decide what I want to do after that point. Ideally I want to start my maternity leave on the 13th. Which is originally what I had put down but of course that all changes if I have the baby before my due date. I'll have to call them closer to the return to work date and see what I need to do to add those extra 2 weeks. Does my OB need to refill out the forms or just write a letter saying the secondary diagnosis (anxiety) is now the primary diagnosis and I will be off for the extra 2 weeks until my maternity leave starts on my due date or I may just decide to screw it and start my mat leave 2 weeks early which really cuts into the time I get with the baby. Hopefully this baby will come a little early and I won't need to worry about that!

Pregnancy wise everything is good. The baby still puts a knee and feet out my lower side so I have a suspicion it's still breech. A couple times I've waken up to the baby kicking the top part of my stomach but by the afternoon I've felt it turn back and the kicks are low down again. Maybe a c section at 39 weeks? As much I'd rather not have one I'm ok with it as long as they tie my tubes at the same time!!