seeing pregnant women

My husband and I went to a friend's wedding last night. At the reception I ended up sitting next to a women who was pregnant. I didn't want to ask her due date because she looked like she would be due around the same time Hailey should have been. All night she kept trying to talk to me about being pregnant (I tried really hard not to be like this while I was pregnant because it irritates me and I know a few people with fertility problems and you never know who is trying but having difficulty getting pregnant.) At one point she said how she was sad she couldn't make it to the bachlorette party because she went into early labour at 25 weeks. I then knew I was right since the party was 2 weeks ago so she would be 27 and I should be 29. I really am glad that everything worked out for her and hope they have a healthy baby. I don't wish the pain of losing a child on anyone, but I wish people wouldn't feel the need to talk to strangers about it. I had to go the bathroom and cry for a few minutes. It makes me really sad that we should be sitting there comparing pregnancy stories, our plans for the nursery and names. Instead I'm no longer pregnant and she has a healthy baby growing inside. When we first lost Hailey I told myself when I'd see a pregnant women that just because she is pregnant doesn't mean she has a healthy baby. We could have carried on with the pregnancy knowing she had a fatal defect. At the time this was the only way I could get through seeing someone pregnant.

I've been off work since April 27th (the day we went to the hospital.) I knew I couldn't handle work especially my job. I work in a lab where women come in for their gestational diabetes screen anywhere from 24-30 weeks. I couldn't handle being around women with the same due date for 6 weeks and after last night I know I made the right choice. Luckily Canada allows you to take Maternity leave (17 weeks) for any birth after 20 weeks. I'll go back to work when we get back from Australia in June.

On another note we picked up the little heart shaped urn we bought from the engravers today. I haven't figured out about transferring the ashes yet. My husband wanted to do it at our house but whenever we open the box they are currently in (which has only been twice) I can smell it for days. He doesn't know what I'm talking about and asked me to explain the smell but I just can't. It's probably all in my mind. The funeral home told us when we picked her up that if we wanted we could get them to do it so I think that's probably what we will do. We need to do it soon since we bought a second urn to take with us to Australia for his family.