Life update.....health issues for Jack and myself

It's been a long time since I did an update. Lately Hailey has been on my mind a lot.

We went to Australia again in November. We had a fantastic time but while on the plane I had palpitations. I brushed it off as altitude but they continued while in Australia. I was planning on waiting and mentioning it to my gp in January when I went for my yearly physical (I had a list going at this point) but in December while at work I had an episode that for the first time made me dizzy and light headed. Shortly afterwards I got chest pain. I took a T3 and kept working but at the end of my shift I went to a walk in to make sure everything was ok. The doctor wasn't concerned as I was no longer having chest pain and went through my history. He ordered a holter monitor and said I should see a cardiologist because of the kids just to make sure my heart was ok. He also said next time I had the pain I should go to the hospital to get checked out.

2 days later I had the pain again. I was at work, took a T3 and when the pain returned 4 hours later I was home and went in just to make sure it was nothing more serious. Of course it wasn't but the ER doctor referred me the the cardiologist. I had my holter (which I believe came back normal) and while waiting for my cardiologist appointment mentioned the palpitations to my dad. He then told me that when he was 40 years old he was diagnosed with Wolff Parkinson's White so I should really take this seriously. When I saw the cardiologist in January we went over my history. I mentioned my dad, Hailey and Jack (who has an ASD and VSD). He asked my husband if there's any family history on his side (which there isn't) and decided to send me for an echo.

My appointment with him is on Monday but since I had to see my gp about Jack this past Monday I asked if the results had been received yet. She told me that I have a bicuspid aortic valve. The echo also said that my aorta was enlarged but she said to wait and see what the cardiologist has to say about that. 

Could I be a genetic link to the kids and heart defects?

One thing that really frustrates me is that we asked everyone if there was any family history when Hailey was first diagnosed. Everyone said no. Then to find out 5 years later that my dad had WPW really annoyed me. Once he mentioned it I vaguely remember him having heart surgery as a teenager.

Onto the kids. Lets start with the easiest child...... Lauren!

Lauren is 4, she'll be 5 this summer and is currently in preschool 3 days a week. We have registered for french immersion and she's excited to start school in September. She recognizes her letters most of the time and we've started to get her used to the sounds. She can put together the first letter based on sound but hasn't figured out how to phonically spell out a word. She gets frustrated easily with this so we aren't pushing it. It will come with time and I don't consider her behind at the moment anyway. Nothing else is really new with her. She still adores her brother and is an amazing sister to him. I will be asking the cardiologist if she should have an echo to make sure she is as heart healthy as we think. She is perfect as far as we know.

Jackson, his last year and a half is a bit more complicated. Last time I updated he was 7 months old and was diagnosed with vesicoureteral reflux (kidney reflux). He'd been hospitalized twice and we were going to try to prevent infections to avoid daily antibiotics. 6 weeks after his second kidney infection he got a third. I was getting his urine tested every 2 weeks and in less then a week from his last test he started getting a high fever again. Of course it was at night so we waited until the morning and took him to the ER when someone was able to look after Lauren. The infection was already in his kidney's and he was hospitalized again. We decided that this was not a battle we wanted since every infection risks kidney damage at this age. We started the daily antibiotics which at 2 years old he continues to be on. We see the urologist at Children's in April so we will discuss going off them at this appointment.

When he was 6 months post infection he had a test to check for kidney damage. I can't remember the name of the test but we went to Children's in the morning, they injected him with dye intravenous and we waited I believe 4 hours. He then had a scan done once the kidney's had time to get the dye in them. He did so well and stayed still for the full 40 minutes and they were able to get great pictures. Unfortunately the results were not great. I could tell by looking at the screen. One kidney looked like the perfect bean shape. The other was less then half the size. 

As March 2015 Jackson has 23% function in his left kidney. This is due to extensive scarring likely from the first infection that was left untreated for so long. We had another ultrasound done a few months ago to check on the growth of the kidney's and while the left is still very damaged and will never regain more function thankfully the right is so far picking up the extra work. We just have to keep an eye on his right kidney and make sure it continues to work properly. At this point as long as it does he will be fine.

Heart wise we haven't been back to see the cardiologist again. He gets a thorough check up by a paediatrician every 3-6 months and as of December the murmur is still there. Next year when he is 3 we will go back to Children's for an echo and speak with the cardiologist again. He doesn't seem to have any symptoms of heart issues so this is the least of our concerns at the moment.

Thursday we go back to see the paediatrician again. None of our family or friends know this but in October I watched Jack have a seizure. Lauren was over at my mom's and Dan was at work. Jackson was 1.5 hours into his nap and I knew he'd be waking up soon. I heard him making strange noises in his room and waited for him to come out knowing he was awake. After a few minutes when he didn't come out I went to check on him. I found him on his bed with his little arms and hands shaking by his face. I tried talking to him and he wouldn't respond. I just laid next to him until it ended (probably another minute or 2). Afterwards he tried speaking but he couldn't get words to come  together for a good 10 minutes. After that he fell back asleep for another 2 hours. This is the first time I'd seen him do this. I didn't want to make a big deal about it unless it happened again but I did mention it to the paediatrician when we saw him in December. He asked if there was any history of seizures, brain cancer etc and we said no there was not (I very nearly said "but there's also no kidney issues"). He agreed that we could wait and if it happened again we would go back to see him. He also gave me tips on what to do if he had another one like snapping my fingers in his face, touching him and trying to get his attention. Last friday it happened again. This time it was a different type. We were at my mom's and Lauren and I were playing the bedroom. Jackson was running around and my mother had gone to use the washroom. When she came out she found Jack laying face down on the floor in the kitchen. She tried talking to him but he wouldn't respond. I could tell from the "conversation" that something was wrong. I came out of the room and got down beside him. The first thing I noticed was that his eyes were moving in a pattern from side to side, up and down. I tried talking to him, asking him questions "are you ok?" "do you want some milk?" He didn't respond. I tried touching  him saying lets get up but he didn't acknowledge me. Then I tried snapping my fingers right in his face and it went completely unnoticed. After a few minutes his eyes stopped and my mom asked if he wanted milk. As if nothing had happened he said "yup" stood up and kept going as normal. I now suspect he's having absence seizures. This isn't the first time he's laid down motionless. We've always thought it was just one of Jack's quirks. We didn't acknowledge it as we didn't want to draw attention to this behaviour. We also never paid close attention to what was happening at the time. He wouldn't respond and then after a few minutes would get up as if nothing was wrong. I now feel guilty for not noticing this might be something more serious.  I couldn't even tell you how often he does this because I never paid attention. All I can say is that this has not happened in the past 8 days while I've been around.

Although Jackson is small (he's wearing size 12-18 month clothes), weighs 10.5 kg (23lbs) and has some health issues I remain very thankful that mentally he is excellent. Jack turned 2 just before christmas. He talks in full sentences and is potty trained except for at night. Technically he could be potty trained at night but I'm too lazy to get up when we calls out that he needs to go pee at 3 in the morning and I just tell him to go in his diaper. He went through a hitting phase when we returned from Australia but we've mostly been able to put a stop to that. He is learning his colours and currently knows green (his favourite), orange, blue, red and yellow. He can count to 13 but likes to leave out 7.

That's about it for an update at the moment. I've been able to maintain my weight pretty well. I'm anywhere from 140-145 lbs depending on the day. I did a few triathlon's which I loved and hope to get back into it for this summer. I stopped exercising as I just don't have the energy at the moment but I'm hoping after my appointment on Monday with the cardiologist he'll tell me that it's ok to get back into it.
 I used to love my job, which I think was pretty obvious since I went back to work when Jack was 17 weeks and let Dan take 35 weeks of parental leave. The company was bought a few years ago and the changes have been massive. The quality of the products have drastically gone down and the staffing levels are terrible. I never thought I would say this but I am starting to truly hate my job. I wish there was a way I could leave but I realistically where else am I going to find a job that pays $25/hr without going back to school? I hope things change but it's unlikely to change for the better. At this point all I can hope for is that it doesn't get worse. They've taken away the competition by buying the company and since there is no competition there's nowhere for the patients to go so they're stuck waiting over an hour and a half and we're stuck dealing with angry patients, supply issues and severe understaffing. They're giving us more to do at the same time as cutting hours. It's crazy and I have no idea where this will go.

This is where we scattered Hailey's ashes 3 years ago in Australia

I still think of Hailey often. She's never far from my thoughts. The reason I finally decided to write this is something that happened at work today. We had a patient come in for genetic testing. She was pregnant and they were told there was a high risk of the baby having a chromosomal abnormality. She wasn't my patient but just looking at her broke my heart. Seeing her sitting there looking so defeated. The look on her face just brought it all back. That moment when your whole world shatters and you don't know how to put it back together. Anyone who has been told devastating news will know exactly what look I'm talking about. Technically we should've sent them away and asked them to come back when it wasn't so busy but I took my coworkers to the side and with tears in my eyes asked them to please do the test. I'd been in their shoes, hearing there's something wrong with your baby. You just want to know as soon as possible. You could tell she'd already gone numb to everything and having them wait over an hour just to tell them we can't do the test and to come back another day would've made an already hard time even harder.

I rarely get affected by this type of stuff anymore. Something about this poor girl's expression triggered me. It brought back that moment sitting in the hospital while being told Hailey had HLHS and going through our options. I remembered turning over her picture knowing I couldn't look at her while we were talking about how unlikely it would be for her to survive.

Hailey is thought about often, not just by Dan and myself but by Lauren too. She talks about her sister who had a bad heart. There's been a few times someone has asked if she had a brother or sister and Lauren will say "I have a brother and I had a sister Hailey but she died". The bluntness of a child may throw people off but I'm glad she acknowledges her. I've found myself doing it less and less in public. Not because she isn't a part of our family, she will always be my daughter and I will always love her but because it's easier then going into details. She would be in kindergarten and we're coming up to her 6 year birthday. It's so hard to believe that she was in my tummy making me throw up multiple times a day 6 years ago. I would love to go back to that time. Just to feel her again but I'm thankful for the 2 amazing kids we have. One day we will all meet again.

Halloween in Australia

7 month update and new non heart related diagnosis

I can't believe Jack is 7 months old. So much has happened these past few months. After his last hospital visit he was doing well. He'd returned to normal then suddenly June 6th he got another high fever. We were able to control the fever with medication but it kept coming back. By Monday he was lethargic and dehydrated. I made an appointment with my family doctor who immediately sent us to the hospital with a consult with the paediatrician. He was again admitted to the hospital for a few days. This time we were able to find the cause. He had a kidney infection. They gave him IV antibitics for 5 days and we were then discharged and given oral antibiotics for him to take. Since the last time he was sick the official diagnosis was UTI that means he's now had 2 in just under 2 months. They ordered a VCUG and he will have another test to check for kidney damage after he's been infection free for 6-8 months.
He had the VCUG (voiding cysto-urethrogram) on July 10th nearly 1 month after being released from hospital. They test showed he has vesicoureteral reflux. Grade 1 and 3 on different sides. Grade 1 means that when he pees some urine travels from the bladder up to the kidney. On the other side (grade 3) some urine travels up the bladder into the kidney before peeing. This is the cause of his kidney infections and will likely lead to more. We were given 2 options:
1- Prevent infections with daily antibiotics. He'd stay on them for years and we would keep an eye to see if it corrects itself as he gets older
2- Try natural ways to prevent and hope he doesn't get another infection. If he does we risk kidney damage from the infection

We've decided to try the natural way first without risking too much damage. I'm giving him 3ml 100% pure cranberry juice once a day plus probiotics. The cranberry juice is concentrated so you should mix it 1/5. Basically that 3ml really equals 15ml of juice if I had added water without the extra sugar in a normal juice. We're checking his urine every 2 weeks. Wednesday morning I did the test and his PH was 7. It'll be interesting to see what happens over the next few weeks and see if it actually makes a difference.

He is still the happy easy going baby that he's always been. He's still a tiny little guy. He had his 6 month shots (a month late since the 3 month was done at 4) so we found out he weighs 15.0lbs and 65.5cm. His weight has decreased and the doctors are keeping an eye on that because........ he's started crawling!!!!!!! When Lauren started walking she stopped gaining weight. That first month she started walking she gained 100g. He's not been interested in solids really so they are concerned that he'll start to lose weight now that he's moving around.

My weight wise I'm doing really well. My current weight is 149lbs. Last time at 7 months I was 155lbs so I'm doing well. I did a half triathlon in June and will be doing another one in a few weeks then I'm doing a full one mid September. I'm hoping and expecting my weight to continue to come off.
Here's some pics of the 2 kids. I can't believe Lauren will be 3 next weekend! These 2 absolutely adore each other.

Lauren and Jack playing follow the leader

Cheeky smile

Jack's first camping trip

They sleep the same way

These 2 love each other so much. They're inseparable most days

Update

It's been a while and so much has happened.
Jack is now 4 months old. He's rolling over and still a very happy little boy. We've had a few issues the past 2 months. We're going back to children's hospital to see the cardiologist again. Jack went pale a few times and his lips turned blue once while he was sleeping. I can't even describe how I felt seeing that. I looked at him laying there pale and with blue lips. I thought I'd lost him. I went to pick him up and my first thought was that he was warm. I woke him up and after a few minutes his colour fully came back. I've also noticed that his limbs go blue randomly. Hopefully we will get in soon and have some answers.

He spent 5 days in the hospital recently. He had a fever of 104 (40) for 5 days starting on a Sunday afternoon. Wednesday morning I took him to emerg and they did a chest xray, blood work and urine sample. All came back fine except a few white blood cells in his urine. The doctor we saw set up an appointment with a paediatrician for that Friday and sent us home. Because he was happy and we were able to bring the fever down with tylenol and advil he felt Jack was ok, in fact the only reason we were going to see the paediatrician was because of the holes in his heart gives him an increased risk of endocarditis. I had a bit of a breakdown Friday at 3am his temp was 104.2 so I was giving him a bath to bring it down. That afternoon I took him in for the appointment at the hospital at 2pm. I asked the nurses for some more tylenol as he was now able to have another dose. I didn't realize the paediatrician was standing there too and was shocked he still had such a high fever. She took one look at him and immediately told me we'd be admitted and he'd be staying for a least a few days. He looked so sad. He was very lethargic and just laid there staring in the distance with his eyes glazed over. They redid all the blood work, chest xray and urine and all came back fine except the urine with a few white blood cells. We also did a lumbar puncture to rule out meningitis since they had no clear cause of the fever, which came back negative thankfully. His blood work showed elevated white blood cells and his crp was also high which the doctor said means it's likely bacterial. They weren't able to get an IV in so since he was eating well we decided the IV wasn't necessary and they gave him antibiotics through injections in his thigh once a day. The fevers went away slowly the over the next couple days and we were discharged Tuesday afternoon after his 5th dose of antibiotics. We were given another 7 days of oral antibiotics for him to take to make sure the infection is well and truly gone. The paediatrician is a little stumped as to where the infection was. The only thing that came up was a few white blood cells and minimal growth of the same bacteria in both samples. However if it truly was a UTI both samples should've had a ton of white blood cells and significant bacterial growth. We are going for a renal ultrasound on the 15th to make sure everything's ok with his kidneys and following up with the doctor the week after. Otherwise he's still his happy self. He's such a laid back easy going baby and I love him so much.

I went back to work last week. So far it's been going really well. Everyone thought I was crazy for going back with a 4 month old when I could be off for another 8 months but I really do feel like me going back to work and Dan taking the 35 weeks parental leave was by far the best decision we could've made. When he was working he was gone for 11 hours including commute time. Now I work 5 and we get the rest of the day to spend as a family, on our own or doing whatever we want. Dan, the kids and myself are all so much happier since the return to work.

Lauren is doing amazing. She is becoming such an independent little girl. She'll be going to pre school in September. She's still an amazing big sister and absolutely adores Jack and I know he feels the same way. I'm so proud of her.

Yesterday marked 4 years since we lost Hailey. We bought flowers and had cupcakes.

6 weeks

Wow, I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since we welcomed Jack to the family.

I weighed Jack Tuesday and he weighs 9.3 lbs. He's putting on weight really well and although I haven't measured him recently he most be growing too since he's doesn't look very chunky. I just realized I've yet to post of picture of Jack. His features have definitely changed these last 6 weeks. When he was born he looked more like me but now he looks just like Dan when he was a baby. He's still in newborn clothes but he's keeping on track with Lauren weight wise. At 6 weeks Lauren was 12.6lbs (gained 4.4 since birth) and Jack has gained 4.2 lbs.
He's still a good sleeper. We've been co sleeping mainly and Dan is not in bed with us so we get a queen size bed to ourselves. He still wakes to feed and goes back to sleep. His main awake periods are from 7-10am and 5-8pm. These work out really well with how great he sleeps. He's definitely going through a 6 month growth spurt. He's been waking every 2 hours to eat lately and thankfully the past 2 nights he's had one 4 hour stretch in there too. I wasn't producing enough milk for this growth spurt so thankfully we have a decent supply I pumped throughout these past weeks. I also made lactation cookies Wednesday and started drinking a glass of Guiness a night. My milk supply has increase but we're still supplementing in the evenings with pumped breast milk as well. We aren't needing to use the frozen milk because I have extra in the mornings now since eating the cookies and beer so I manage to pump 3 oz from the opposite side to what I do his first morning feed and give that in the evening. Hopefully my supply will increase more.

Dan's parents come out next weekend and I'm really looking forward to having a house full of people. I've found the transition from 1 to 2 so much easier then 0 to 1. I'm much happier this time but I'm thinking that may have to do with the anti anxiety/depression meds (50 mg of Zoloft) I've been taking. I really can't say enough about taking this. I'm so glad I did and it's a night and day difference since I started them. I would recommend them to anyone really struggling with anxiety or depression. It's made a huge difference in my life and I know that also effects the kids lives too.

Now that I'm 6 weeks post partum I plan to start running. My current weight as of Monday was 178.5. At 2 weeks pp I was 181 so I've managed to slowly lose weight without diet or exercise. Because of the milk supply issue I have no plans diet at the moment and am hoping that exercise alone for the next few weeks will be a start to my weight loss goals. I plan to run every second day starting tomorrow morning.
Here's some pictures:

Heart update

Sorry for the delay, we had Jack's appointment last Tuesday. The appointment was set for 8am. First they did the echo then the ecg. Afterwards we met with an inter who did a full physical on Jack then went to discuss the results of the tests with the cardiologist who then came back and redid the physical. We received some really good news. He does NOT have dextrocardia or any other serious heart defect. The only heart defect is the murmur caused by a small hole between the ventricles. They expect this to close on it's own and we don't even need to go back to Children's hospital unless my doctor thinks it's necessary. We also have the cardiologists card that we can call if we have any concerns.
I'm so relieved and I'm so glad now that we were able to do these tests. I actually feel more confident that Jack is heart healthy then Lauren at the moment. It's such a relief to hear from a cardiologist that your child has no heart related concerns and should grow up to be totally heart healthy.

Jack is amazing, both my kids are. Jack still sleeps really well. He wakes up to feed then pretty much goes back to sleep. Sure he fuses sometimes but he's able to settle pretty quickly. I do have to admit but we're now co sleeping. Dan can't sleep in the room because Jack's too much of a noisy sleeper (he really is! He grunts and moans most of the night) and he has a cold still and needs to be propped up a little. I have to admit I'm loving the cuddles. What we are doing differently though is Jack naps in his crib. I plan to have him sleep there at least part of the night at 6 months. I'm hoping that once his stomach gets bigger he'll be able to sleep through the night and he's learning how to fall asleep and stay asleep on his own while in the crib during the day.

Lauren is still in love with her brother. There's rarely any jealousy, in fact the other morning I offered to have Dan take Jack to the kitchen with him so we could cuddle in bed for a while but she wanted Jack to stay too and cuddle the three of us. It's the same when I offer to have someone watch Jack so we can go to the park or spend time just the two of us. She always declines and wants Jack to come with us. Quite often if he's fussing on the floor or in his chair she'll go over and talk to him. She is such a great big sister and I'm so proud of her :)

Jack's heart

Unfortunately we learned that Jack wasn't as healthy as we originally thought. Here's the story about how we found out:

Since Jack was "premature", only by 2 days they checked his sugar levels at 2 hours old. It was very low (1.?) so it was decided he'd be sent up to the nicu to be monitored. This was incredibly hard. I knew he would be fine but it just brought back all the memories with Hailey. It's such a horrible feeling being in a room on your own just hours after giving birth. Eventually after crying for a while I rang the nurse and explained that we'd had a stillbirth and it was really hard not being with him. She called over to the nicu and we were allowed to go up to be with him. His sugars were checked often and they increased to 3.6 so he was allowed to leave and go back to our room. While he was being checked out by the paediatrician he noticed a heart murmur. Without having anymore tests he suspects it's a hole in the septum. We will have to do more tests but he expects it to close on it's own without surgery. He ordered an ecg to be done the next morning just incase. We waited all day for the results of the ecg. I saw the OB who said I could go home when Jack was discharged and the doctor who would normally check over Jack said he'd discharge us as long as the paediatrician gave the ok. All we needed to do was wait for him to come and tell us we could go. Around 6 he came in and checked Jack over again. He asked if we noticed any difficulty breathing or colour issues and we said no. I then asked if the ecg had come back ok. He then said "no actually it showed dextrocardia." I do ecg's with my job so I knew what that meant. My heart sank. Here we thought we'd have a healthy baby and yet we were being told he potentially had a heart defect too. Well, he did have at least one since the hole in his heart is considered a CHD. He wanted to order a chest X-ray to see what it showed. We did it around 9 and after waiting around a few hours the nurse mentioned that there was no radiologist on duty to read it and that we likely would be here all night again. Dan went home to get some sleep and watch Lauren. He returned the next morning with Lauren and we waited until 11 for the paediatrician to come back to talk to us. Basically he said he doesn't know. The chest X-ray didn't show a mirror image like you would see in true dextrocardia but it is definitely tilted and not a "normal" X-ray. He was referring us to children's for an ultrasound, echo and meeting with a cardiologist. He was hoping we'd go the next day (the 23rd) or sometime that week but warned that with the holidays their staff wouldn't be normal and they wanted to do all the tests and appointments the same day. He discharged us and made sure to say that he wasn't too concerned and if he was we'd be transferred to children's immediately or not allowed to leave the hospital. We were sent home and told to keep an eye on his breathing and colour and return if anything was "off".

It's been a rough 11 days. I watch him closely and he's always in the same room as us. He sleeps in the pack and play or bouncer during the day and in the basinet next to our bed at night. He's a great sleeper and has made adjusting from 1 to 2 kids pretty easy. He only really wakes at night for feeding and diaper changes. We still aren't sleeping much but that's just my anxiety about all that can go wrong at night. I saw my doctor yesterday and Jack seems to be doing really well. He's past his birthweight and has great colour. She said that we shouldn't expect a call from children's until next week. She thought that the outpatient programs were closed over the holidays. The waiting is the hardest part. I just want to know what's going on with him so we can deal with it and move forward. It could be nothing or it could be something. At this point we don't know.

Birth story

I started getting uncomfortable braxton hicks (that's what I thought it was at least) around 1pm on the 19th. They'd come and go lasting for different lengths of time and different intervals in between. I thought I was in false labour by 5 because they hadn't gone away but weren't getting worse. Dan asked me if I was sure it was false labour and I said no, I'm just assuming because it's so early. A friend suggested I have a bath to see if that helped. Apparently false labour gets better in the bath. It didn't stop it, although  was anything but relaxing with Lauren watching and throwing bath toys in she thought I'd like. After 30 minutes she joined me and we played for a little bit in the bath. I got out and decided to call labour and delivery to see what they said. Since I wasn't 37 weeks they suggested I come in and get checked out. I went with my mom and they did a 30 minute stress test which showed a few random contractions and that the baby was doing fine. My OB happened to be the one on call. When she did an exam at 7:30 she said I was 1 cm and still pretty thick. I was then sent home.

The contractions didn't go away and actually got a little more painful. At 11:45 I decided to take a gravel to help me sleep since I couldn't sleep through the contractions. Around 12 I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and felt a gush. I immediately said to Dan that I'm either bleeding, like I did while in labour with Lauren or my water broke. I got up and went to the bathroom. sure enough my water had broken. It just kept coming randomly too which was really uncomfortable. I called my mum and asked her to come watch Lauren. I also called labour and delivery to let them know I'd be coming back and they were shocked!! We were so unprepared so went to the hospital with nothing.

At the hospital they hooked me up to the monitors again and it was showing 3 contractions every 10 minutes. I was then taken to a room. Unfortunately around 3am the contractions slowed then stopped. I slept until around 7am waking up the odd time with a contraction. Then we started walking the hallways since we knew it was only a matter of time before induction talk would start.

Since I wasn't having contractions anymore they decided to induce me at 10:30 with oxytocin. I wasn't too happy about this as I'd gotten my hopes up of an uninduced childbirth after my water breaking and had heard horror stories of how bad the contractions were. They promised to only use as much as necessary and start very low and slowly increase every 30 minutes so we started the induction. I started getting regular contractions around 1pm and around 3 I started using gas. This is also when I was 4 cm and considered in active labour. The gas worked for about an hour and then we tried fentynol which also worked briefly. I loved both nurses who looked after me. I mainly had one nurse and the other came in while she was on lunch or breaks.  Unfortunately because of the induction I wasn't able to walk around anymore. They needed to monitor the baby and my contractions and the portable machine wasn't picking up the heartbeat very well. So I just laid in bed for the most part. That actually turned out to be ok because the contractions got intense fast. I cried much sooner then I did with Lauren during contractions and even joked to the nurse about it in-between. Around 4:30 I decided that the pain was just too much. It was so much worse then with Lauren. I never felt that it was worth getting an epidural with her. The thought of them scare the crap out of me. It seems so unnatural to put a large needle into your spine for any reason. However this time I was very willing. The doctor wasn't going to be in until 5 and there was one other request on the ward then he would come and see me. I literally counted down every 10 minutes. It was brutal and the contractions were pretty much one on top of the other. I didn't feel like I really had more then a few seconds off the gas in between contractions and near the end just kept breathing it in the whole time. Finally around 6 the doctor came in and went over the risks. Just to give an idea of how much pain I was in....... remember how I said with Lauren I never considered it worth the risk of getting an epidural? Well when he was going over the risks I thought in my mind "yeah yeah I don't care if I'm paralyzed just make it stop!" He put the epidural in and after a few minutes I felt my feet go numb. The doctor was still in the room when I felt like it was time to push. The nurse checked me and I was 9 cm. She called the OB who arrived very shortly after and I was 10 cm and ready to push. This OB, who wasn't my regular one takes pride in saying that very few of his patients ever tear and he was very good. He looked me straight in the eye and said that if I didn't want to tear I needed to listen to exactly what he was saying. If he told me not to push, don't push. As much as that was going to hurt it would be worth it not having stitches. 2 pushes and he was out at 6:24 pm. No tearing and at one point he did tell me to stop pushing, which I did and Jack came out all on his own. I'm glad that the epidural hadn't fully kicked in. I'm glad that I was able to feel him come out and I really do believe that the epidural relaxed me just enough to listen to the doctor.

I had mentioned to the nurse to not bother saying what the sex was and how with Lauren I asked 6 times before they finally just showed me. This time she held him up and I was the one to first say "It's a boy!" It's a moment I'll never forget.
We did skin on skin and it took a while for the placenta to come out. He weighed 2664g or 5lbs 13oz.